Dramas & books that changed you (or impacted you)

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1/ This Kmovie: Silenced

https://www.viki.com/movies/29532c-silenced

Thanks to volunteers.
It’s an emotional movie I get to watch on Viki last weekend.
Real.
Raw.
Deep impression.
One of the best Kmovies I could watch.

2/ This book (currently reading): “The day I truly loved myself”

https://www.amazon.fr/jour-suis-aimé-pour-vrai/dp/2732482714/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=


  • This book is only in French version, but hope one day, it would be translated in many other languages so people can discover more about themselves and others.
    The question to: Who are we? What is more important, our ego or…?
    It’s not easy questions everyone can answer to.

  • This book says we all have this sickness, including me: ego.
    It’s created by humans, it’s in our head under multiple faces and we don’t always see it or know that it’s here. Often, we hide ego behind another more noble cause.
    And in the midst of it, we don’t see how much we can hurt people around us because of our own ego.
    In this book, the child called Charlot suffers from this ego, his own and his mother’s. (Charlot is a reference to Charlie Chaplin and I think the title of this book is a reference to one of his quote: “As I began to love myself…”)
    https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/809976-as-i-began-to-love-myself-i-found-that-anguish.

  • Hard paragraphs, you can feel the pain of these characters, it’s like in real life. They encounter “Egoman” and try to understand what it is, adults and children.
    What happens in this book could also relate to what happens on Viki.

  • And maybe, it’s one of the sources of our misery: our ego.
    Need to feel unique, special, the best, to feel needed or alive or loved or appreciated or recognized. Or to survive.
    Do we need Viki to exist? Do we need to say this to someone to feel that we’re special or exist or to be picked or show that we have value?
    Do we need people who admire us or need us to exist?
    We believe what we think we are, our job, our role on Viki, our tastes, our opinion, our shoes…

  • What do we need to fill that we don’t have in our real life and that we try on Viki and how do we fill it?
    What do we lack in our life?


  • While reading this book, I could understand better some reactions, others and mine. I’m not spared either.
    Ego, barriers we put, impossibility to communicate and how we communicate with others because sometimes, there’s an obstacle, sometimes the communication is meant to hurt or sometimes ego prevents us from real communication.

@anna79_9 Sometimes, we had talks and I didn’t always understand what you meant.
Reading this book has put some lights to what you told me.

Thanks @anna79_9, @irmar and other volunteers, I haven’t really seen it coming, but exchanging with you has made me grow. Growing was not always without pain.


One excerpt:

“Dans les phrases qui suivent, Maryse, remplace le mot ego par une chose à laquelle tu t’identifies – ton apparence par exemple –, et tu vas comprendre la bêtise humaine. L’ego s’offusque, l’intelligence s’indigne. L’ego se ferme, l’intelligence observe. L’ego résiste, l’intelligence écoute. L’ego se défend, l’intelligence partage. L’ego envie, l’intelligence se réjouit. L’ego veut, l’intelligence donne. L’ego frappe, l’intelligence éduque. L’ego se sent humilié, l’intelligence compatit. L’ego hait, l’intelligence aime. L’ego lance des cailloux, l’intelligence soigne les blessures.”

“In the following sentences, Maryse, switch the word ego with a thing you relate to - your looks for instance -, you will understand human folly. Ego takes offense, intelligence is outraged. Ego clams up, intelligence observes. Ego resists, intelligence listens. Ego fights back, intelligence shares. Ego envies, intelligence rejoices. Ego wants, intelligence gives. Ego strikes, intelligence teaches. Ego feels humiliated, intelligence sympathizes. Ego hates, intelligence likes. Ego throws rocks, intelligence heals wounds.”

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SILENCED I saw the movie a long time ago, and it broke my heart so much. I was not to pleased with the ending either but since it was based on a real life story I accepted nothing could be done with the ending.

[Books like I always mention and recommend to EVERYONE. Albert Ellis developed an ABCDE format to teach people how their beliefs cause their emotional and behavioral responses: ‘A’ stands for activating event or adversity. ‘B’ refers to one’s irrational belief about ‘A.’ That belief then leads to ‘C,’ the emotional and behavioral consequences.] Did google search link below

https://www.verywellmind.com/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-2796000

It can help you with negative emotions such as anxiety, depression, guilt, and extreme or inappropriate anger. This approach is also used to help change stressful and self-defeating behaviors, such as aggression, unhealthy eating, and procrastination that get in the way of your quality of life and reaching your goals

If you haven’t read this book I recommend it bc although it might not relate to you there are things that benefits everyone in general.

The book I read that helped me written by: Elizabeth Kubler Ross

[And The five stages are chronologically: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. The model was first introduced by Swiss-American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book On Death and Dying, and was inspired by her work with terminally ill patients] google search more info available

I lost a lot of loving family members to cancer and was having a hard time dealing with that. But she also has other themes that are wonderful, too.

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This movie was filmed to make people become aware of society child abuse or injustice (my supposition).
This movie is sad like hell and really touches your heart.

Is the book by Albert Ellis talking about “Emotional intelligence” or “non agressive communication”?
I’ve wanted to learn more about EI bec they talked about it in the book mentionned in my last post.

Have you got other recommendations in the same genre (life) in books or dramas/movies?

I will take a look in this book, thanks for your recommendation!

My condolences to their family and you.
May they rest in peace and you find peace in your soul.

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Thank you so much! I did find peace bc when they died I was very young and ignorant and felt their death was so pointless but after going in depth with Elizabeth Kubler Ross documentaries and books, I learned to embrace death and understand my terrible feelings and confusion. Through her books I learned to heal spiritually and finally have acceptance as I went through the 5 stages of grief. But best of all it changed my thoughts that when we die, we go into this cold and very dark place. I need to add this here, my family members that died of cancer were humble, sweet loving people, and cancer made them suffer so much and I felt that they didn’t deserved to die in so much pain bc they were amazing human beings, and seeing their suffering destroyed me, too.

The only book I read from Albert Ellis was RET and I even did a research paper when I was in College and got a B+ . That book did wonders for me and drastically changed my life. I hope you read that one before you read any other of ALBERT ELLIS books.

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Je trouve cela drôle qu’il reprenne la métaphore de l’oignon, il me semble que Freud a été le premier a l’utiliser pour parler du “moi” et du “ça” (Le moi et le ça de Freud), en d’autres termes, le moi et l’inconscient. Mais cela me rappelle "[…]le moi est fait de la succession de ses identifications avec les objets aimés qui lui ont permis de prendre sa forme. Le moi, c’est un objet fait comme un oignon, on pourrait le peler, et on trouverait les identifications successives qui l’ont constitué » (LACAN, Séminaire, livre I : Les écrits techniques de Freud)

La question du Moi, de l’identification et de l’identité sont des questions passionnantes, à entremêler avec la question de l’inconscient, bien sûr. Bon, je vois que tu m’as affichée. Je suis toujours ouverte aux questionnements de ce genre, tu le sais bien. Ma petite tête réfléchit loin parfois. En tout cas, je suis contente que tu aies pu entrevoir certaines choses grâce à ce livre.

Pour tout te dire, je pense que mes lectures préférées sont les séminaires de Jacques Lacan. Cet homme a changé ma perception du monde, je l’avoue !

Pour ce qui est de dramas qui m’auraient impactée, je ne sais pas vraiment s’il y en a eu. En tout cas, pas impactée au point de me remettre en cause. Malheureusement, la majorité des dramas coréens ou même chinois, demandent peu de réflexion sur la vie. C’est souvent superficiel. Peut-être “Beautiful mind” (https://www.viki.com/tv/25909c-beautiful-mind?locale=fr), sur la question du Moi qui était intéressant et touchant : Un médecin devenu apathique suite à la “certitude” qu’il n’avait plus accès à ses émotions à cause de la biologie, pourtant… (je te laisse le découvrir)

Par contre, je te conseille les œuvres de Xavier Dolan qui sont vraiment touchantes et qui amènent vraiment à une réflexion de dingue, notamment : Mommy et J’ai tué ma mère. Émotions garanties !

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I’m not ready to read Freud, I have hard time to understand.

If I begin to read Lacan, I will read carefully each sentence to be sure I understand.
If I don’t understand, I will seek your help.
Are you sure you want to recommend me Lacan?

I’ll take a look in Xavier’s movies and the drama.

Thanks for your reco!

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@anna79_9

You know that SIGMUND FREUD wrote all those things while he was stone to death with Opium? It was well documented he had a bad addiction to opium.

I took an elective class where we had to discuss a lot his writings, and I dropped the class the first week bc I couldn’t stand the many things that he wrote.

When I heard the professor say that Freud wrote most of those things under the influence of opium, I knew I was done with that class.

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I’m really sorry you attended a class of someone who was ignorant enough to said that. Indeed, Freud used opium in his life. To say that he wrote all his books and created a science under the influence of drugs is an extreme position that this professor has taken. It should be remembered that in 1900, opium and certain drugs were used as pharmaceuticals and therapeutics. You should also know that today we still use opium for certain pharmaceuticals. We use a lot of other drugs as well. It is no coincidence that drugs have the same English name as drugs that a doctor gives. Does this mean all people who use drugs illegally, or all those who have medications prescribed by doctors, are people without interest, whose word has no value?

To talk about what Freud did or to have an opinion, I think you have to at least take time to read his works. There are things to criticize, but I think that stopping, at the mere fact of opium, shows only the range in which people are: bloqued with imaginary and representations (representations that are the basis of discrimination, judgments and bias).

Plus, every science has an evolution and started somewhere. Freud did indeed very unethical things, but it is not the only one. Science always starts somewhere.

I could debate with you for hours about Freud or psychoanalysis, but that’s not the right place. And I think that, indeed, we must not just stick to Freud, who is still the precursor of an important science today. We can criticize Freud in many ways, yet today his writings have a significant impact without anyone seeming to realize it (or wants to recognize it). If you believe in unconscious, you believe in Freud. And today, those who believe most in unconscious are advertising, TV, journalists and other like seller… (mental manipulation) means of communication that push you to buy, which tells you “you must”, “you can”. Do you know that the pioneer in the field of public relations and propaganda, referred to in his obituary as “the father of public relations”, Edward Louis James Bernays is the nephew of Freud. Do you think this is a coincidence?

So yes, I know. I know what I believe in.

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THIS IGNORANT person was a College Professor and I doubt very much he was there without a MASTER’S DEGREE

I respect your opinion. I think it wasn’t so much that he used so much opium what bothered me I just didn’t see eye to eye with this>

The Oedipal complex, also known as the Oedipus complex, is a term used by Sigmund Freud in his theory of psychosexual stages of development to describe a child’s feelings of desire for his or her opposite-sex parent and jealousy and anger toward his or her same-sex parent. Essentially, a boy feels that he is competing with his father for possession of his mother, while a girl feels that she is competing with her mother for her father’s affections. According to Freud, children view their same-sex parent as a rival for the opposite-sex parent’s attentions and affections.

Furthermore Freud stated in many of his writings that the daughter’s fell in love with their father and the boys fell in love with their mother.

If you have kids you mean to tell me you agree with that? If you don’t have kids maybe that’s why you don’t see it the way I do.

It really doesn’t matter I would never recommend his books. Anyone under the influence of any kind of drugs is not in his right mind in my opinion.

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I have it too, in psychology and psychoanalysis, and then I’ll have a Ph.D… By the way, a degree does not mean that you have absolute science. When I see the number of ignorant people (who do not really know what they are talking about) with degree, I can assure you that this does not prove in any case the capabilities of a person (Donald trump has a degree too…) A teacher (or college professor) does not have absolute knowledge and truth. That’s why the role of a student is to seek information, to learn and to create a critical spirit. PERSONAL OPINION, with solid foundations and argumentation. And that’s not the truth too. Science is not a dogmatism, it evolves.

I will not respond to your attacks, which are based on false knowledge and misunderstanding. To really grasp what Freud has advanced in his writings and ALL theories (Yes, there is not only one), one should have a minimum of critical thinking and open-mindedness. Many other works of literature, philosophy and psychoanalysis must also be read to fuel reflection. You have to think about the time in which he lived. I do not approve everything he said, he said crazy things, but he is the precursor. It is the point 0 which allowed later to create new things: 1, 2, 3…

You are right, Angelight, this is your opinion. I respect it. But unfortunately, it is based on representations and defenses, not real reflection.

That’s the end for me here.

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This song is called: Harmony

https://youtu.be/LEUFu7rcm_Y

I’ve seen BTS with Halsey on Billboard, have you watched it already?

I’m almost at the end of this book, only 5 chapters.
Then, I’ll see if I can speed up the translation of Pink and give a hand to your new mod that you want to support, Anna. I don’t know what the drama is and it might be already done? Idk who I should contact to sub.

I’ll see with Lacan. I see psy making books about Lacan, but not sure if I will understand it from first reading, I might need some basis or a book for beginners?

Xavier, too and the last Avengers…

Time is problematic.

Today has been a strange day:
My boss showed me his underwear. I wondered what he thought in his head.
I had to invent a medical certificate… bec sb studied late yesterday and couldn’t wake up in time for exam…
Images seem working on Team Notes now (copy paste) which is good news

Don’t fight because of Freud. Let him rest in peace, poor him.
We pick to believe or not, faith, no matter which author or god we believe in, let’s not fight in his name or in the name of god because they had never asked anything.

And if someone wants to read him, then let him have his own opinion after reading there and there. His opinion might be totally different than ours (and that’s perfectly normal).
I’d like to read Freud to forge my opinion (I’ve only read people synthesis about some of his work, but never his raw writing).
I’m afraid of not understanding since it might require basis knowledge in some areas where I’m lacking, so I might have to read first other elementary books to grasp some notions.

Thanks for recommendations from both of you. I’d read both recommendations to build my own opinion.

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@anna79_9

I’m so sorry if you took offense I guess is one of those days you write and don’t think first. I should have express it better. I don’t see how this was an attack but that’s your opinion and like I said I respect that and that is why my apologies if you felt that way.

I see now why you called my professor ignorant bc you feel a master degree doesn’t really mean anything for some people (it’s proven that President Trump must have bought his degree).

I guess there are certain topics is best not to argue over bc as individual we will always believe what we want to believe in, and no one should argue over that.

I hope later on piranna can give us an input on her opinion on Sir. Sigmund Freud, just bc I’m curious about that, and she already said she will do that. Knowing piranna she will give us a new outlook into this subject bc she has the gift to analyze things so well.

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As he was wearing it? Or he had just bought it from the shop and it was in a shopping bag?
(It makes all the difference)

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Thanks for trying to soothe things down and for having the humility to apologize :slight_smile:

My opinion doesn’t really matter. Why would sb need my opinion? I’m nobody and you have the freedom and the ability to build your own opinion, take it! You’re free.
Anna has her reasons to say that (Idk what she could experience with her patients or discuss with her peers and teachers).
And you have your own reasons to say that.
Our life could explain why we believe or not.

  • I don’t see psycho like maths, it’s subjective like religion.
    Like why some people would believe in the resurrection and why some people would believe in Freud’s theories?

Right or wrong, let’s just read and listen to his thinking, just learning and discovering something new. You don’t have to agree with someone to listen or to discover.

I’ve just finished the book “The day I truly loved myself” and began “What I know for sure” from Oprah Winfrey (also sb’s reco).

Towards books, I have the same feelings: “I love to live in another person’s thoughts.”

In ep 26 of Ever Night, there’s this scene (Anna must know it since she’s subbing/editing):

22:30 After all that reading, I came to understand one thing.
22:33 Reading and enjoying reading are two different things.
22:37 Cultivating and enjoying cultivating are two different things, too.
23:04 But I remember back when I was twenty,
23:08 I used to think that I would be able to read all of the books in the world.
23:14 But when I turned fifty, I finally realized that is completely impossible.
24:04 I asked myself one question.
24:06 Did you actually like reading or did you just want to complete all the books in the world?
24:14 - And the answer is? <.br> - Of course, it is…
24:17 I like reading.
24:21 I’ve already entered my seventies this year.
24:25 I could close my eyes and not wake up anymore on any given day.
24:34 But as long I’m alive, I’ll keep on reading.
24:40 This makes me very content.

I love reading, not really to build my opinion. I’ll probably have an opinion, but my opinion is not representative of the “truth”, there’s no absolute truth for everyone in that. It’s not like facts. It’s opinions.
Why always opinions? Do I have to dislike things/authors I disagree with? More than truth or wrong/like or dislike the content or theories, I just want to read to discover. They’re not really dead when we can meet them and their thoughts in books. I just want to know Freud and many more.

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Wearing it. Definitively :joy:

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Great insight! I really enjoyed this bc it makes a lot of sense. Some people write and don’t say much but you are always on point with so many things you write about. Reading is not so much about believing what they wrote about or caring about what others opinion is about. It’s more about: if we can use that info for our own good, use it, and if by chance we do share it with others, it’s up to the individual what they want to do with that info. Everyone’s personal opinion is sacred and what we believe in, doesn’t give us the right to agree or disagree with anyone.

Thanks for sharing.:slight_smile:

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I think there are limits in acceptance of someone’s so-called “personal opinion”. When it is about your favourite ice cream it is simple, no need to discuss, but if it is about serious topics saying nothing and just let someone’s opinion stand & spread is way worse than going into a discussion/interaction with arguments.

Otherwise mankind as a whole didn’t make any progress at all and we’d still live in even darker surroundings than we live today.

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@cntv_854

I think there are limits in acceptance of someone’s so-called “personal opinion”. When it is about your favourite ice cream it is simple, no need to discuss, but if it is about serious topics saying nothing and just let someone’s opinion stand & spread is way worse than going into a discussion/interaction with arguments.

Otherwise mankind as a whole didn’t make any progress at all and we’d still live in even darker surroundings than we live today.

You are right about that but It also depends on the individual we want to discuss certain subjects with. In life, we need to think before we open our mouth/write, and star discussing certain subjects that are way too controversial. If you don’t know the person on a personal level some things are best not being discussed at all. I realized by the first sentence I should have opened my mind as to what my wise, darling grandmother always warned me about: "En boca cerrada no entran moscas.’’

What she was really telling me was that sometimes is best to keep your mouth shut, and ALWAYS think before you speak *(in this case write).’’ I should never forget that again.

I had a wonderful cousin that we discussed about so many subjects but we never fought when we disagreed on something bc we made a agreement not to do that but to skip it, and start a new subject.

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I agree, too!

Angel understood the meaning behind it. What I wanted to say in my own clumsiness.
I value Anna for who she is, not because of her science or because she is a volunteer in any position (yes, her science is great and she’s a great volunteer, but this is not what made me befriend her at first sight, she is much more than that, she’s someone who shares in all senses of the word “sharing” and she has great insight on many things in life). My opinion on some matters, does it matter finally? It’s only opinions, I disagree too with my friends, but a friend is really rare on Viki.
Sharing, listening, talking, just being there: it’s a real friend.
A friend who will understand you as a person, who will understand you behind all these covers and armors.
And even if she doesn’t understand… she’s still there.
She’s not going to judge me. She’s only there as a friend. The “presence” she was talking about, I feel it and understood it more now.

So I wish you meet some friends like that, too. Who value you for who you are, as a person and no matter what you do, she will try to understand it. Because it’s who she is, she has the ability to reflect on herself and she knows where her values stand.
She’s real and doesn’t hide herself or her opinions.

You will probably meet people here using secondary accounts to share their thoughts and hide who they are, but her, she’s real.
I like that about her and I admire that about her, her honesty.

Though we parted on bad terms six months ago, when I talked with her last time over the phone, I don’t know if you can feel it after discussing with one friend, but this feeling is… like time had no effect, except making us being more able to express our feelings toward each other.

There was no envy, no jealousy, no angry, no regrets. Just feel.
You have grown, Anna. I don’t say it trying to look as someone I’m not, God or anything else.
You have grown and you make me want to grow, too.
I just feel her happiness, her dreams and I feel happy for her.
If a friend inspires you that, you know it’s a friend.

A real one.

I thank that she was here on Viki, because I would have missed a lot if she weren’t there.
Same for Justine. I don’t forget her.

Behind opinions, there are values.
Behind values, there are people with a heart who’s beating. Their own problems, their own living experience, their own insecurities.
But to know that, you have to listen. Listen, be there and make a silence.
Sometimes, people don’t listen, they appear to be listening, but they don’t.
Some will only talk about them and it will be a one-sided communication.
Some will say they’re the only ones who are right and it will remain a one-sided communication because the meaning of the one-sided communication would be “I am right and not you.”

Some will listen, they listen or communicate with Egoman or in a state that is making the communication impossible.
Unable to communicate, it makes people unhappy or feel hurt.

If you could hear it, touch it, people for who they are and value it, it’s the most precious thing I could discovered on Viki. Not their contributions or their roles or their competences, more than that, behind the screens, people are way more than that.

It’s the “other intelligence”, not saying “I am right, you’re wrong”, who cares, but the ability to talk with someone about things the other don’t know but in a way that it makes it understandable for people, the ability to see others opinions on some matters not as threats but just an opinion, the ability to see what and why the person meant behind it, the ability to share a project together and more.

A friend matters more than opinions.

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I thought about posting something like that as well. Just with a different approach than you.

(to make it clear: I’m not talking about anyone in particular here but about this topic - about discussing nothing, tolerating everything etc. - in general).

I’m slightly surprised that you bring my comment about people’s opinions in general to any possible topic that one may have to a quite personal level of me, my potential friends/non friends and certain users here on VIKI that I don’t even know at all. If I knew before that this thread/posts should be some kind of inner circle conversation in which everything is related to people that know each other I didn’t write anything at all since I wouldn’t interfere in a private dialogue even though it’s posted in a public forum.

I read the sentence I’m originally replied to as a general assumption that I find questionable.

The reason why is what you’ve written here:

You seem to just thinking about it on a personal friends level while I see it more as an aspect of interactions between humans in general, including all types of opinions to any topic possible.

Anyone can have an own opinion but everyone is free to dis/agree. Someone’s personal opinion is for sure not “sacred”. There are enough examples in history that caused lots of suffering depending on one’s “opinion” and related “values”.

Giving an example: During the last century in Europe women were considered less intelligent than men, with much less rights. The men even tried to make their opinion a scientific fact claiming that since a woman’s brain used to be a bit smaller or lighter she can’t be as intelligent like a man.

So with the “one’s opinion is sacred” term and “no one has the right to disagree” Europe’s women might be still unable to vote, unable to marry who they want, unable to choose the education/job (like studying) they want etc.

If someone wants to argue about something it is a personal decision. Same with the decision not to re/act to something. No matter where. For both decisions - actions and non actions - a person usually has own reasons.

Talking about friends it’s most likely that people’s friends share a certain amount of same/similar core thoughts/opinions. Otherwise the friendship will end sooner or later if not a) one assimilates or b) there’ll be a compromise.

Discussing about something doesn’t mean for everyone that the result must end with the same opinion.

Like the saying: Let’s agree to disagree.

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