Life Love on the Line. Some realities and memories

Back in the early 1980s I advertised for pen-pals in the Japanese gay magazine Barazoku. We got quite a few responses and I distributed them to gay people in San Francisco who were interested and kept some for myself.

In those days I could actually write a penpal letter in Japanese on student paper.

One day a penpal wrote me and said that he was getting married to a woman. I being a gay lib activist wrote him saying that he shouldn’t do it and be free. I never heard from him again. It all came back while watching this movie.

About the movie.

  1. It is important that gay couples exist in a social support network. That is they should have gay friends and a gay social network. Yuki and Akira wouldn’t have broken up if they had a social support network. Friends would explain to Akira how this pursuit of “normal” would end up, some of his friends would likely know someone who already made this mistake. Or Akira would know someone who made this mistake and could talk to him.

  2. In real gay life Yuki would find another boyfriend. Whereas Akira is not a bad person, he is fairly conventional. Yuki on the other hand is an extraordinary person and a lot of guys of different backgrounds would treasure him. They wouldn’t be pushing themselves on him at the bar as they showed in the movie. Really special individuals would make an effort to see if he would date them.

  3. Women who married gay men are not necessarily the innocents. Some have an attraction to gay men and fail to recognize it. Some women sort of figured it out but think that they are so special they will change him. However, in all situations there are signs and the person should have recognized them. In this case she was rejected once, and pushing, but not for a second did she recognized some obvious signs.

  4. In real life they don’t get back together. The Indonesian gay movie, “Parts of the Heart,” has a case where a guy gets married, but expects to see his boyfriend on the side. The boyfriend moved on. Generally, this is what happens. You betrayed your relationship. People who betray their relationship usually are deficient as people, not always, but frequently.

  5. This is generally why gay guys don’t plan on having relationships with bi guys. Though theoretically it is possible, the reality is that all too often bi guys get married and decide to meet men on the side. Sooner or later the wife finds out and the side guy gets dumped. I ran into such cases. Also, there are millions of gay men and there is no reason to take the risk of dating a bi guy. Again in romantic fantasy land I suppose it could work out, but gay people leave in the real world with a lot of problems as it is.

This isn’t a real problem for gay guys since the bi guys usually aren’t looking for a relationship, but just fun on the side. This is not always true, but is true often enough. I think in the decades I have lived, in multiple different gay communities, I don’t think I know of a single case where a gay man had to deal with a bi guy who wanted a relationship.

Now there are those who will go on and on about my attitude towards bi gusy, but the fact is for most gay men, bi guys are not for a serious relationship. They can be fun though and a side boyfriend, but not your core relationship. Of course there are exceptions.


I’ve appreciated reading your point of view in this thread and BL verses real gay life. Thank you for the perspective.


I wouldn’t blame them. This is extremely judgmental, even if you save yourself by saying there are exceptions (cause if they’re “exceptions” you’re still judging the majority that’s left).
There are PEOPLE in this world who don’t want a serious relationship (which is not necessarily a bad thing if they are honest about it), there are PEOPLE, who cheat, PEOPLE for whom one lover is not enough, PEOPLE who hurt others …

And those people can have any sexual orientation on the planet. But that doesn’t say ANYTHING about others who just happen to have the same orientation.


A person has to make judgements about choices in the world, and when choices can have severe consequences, people make careful judgments. . I explained what apprehensions gay people have, actually have as a reality, and have from those things that they have observed in their community, those they have seen victimized, and you think that being outraged is some type of argument and using capital letters is an argument. Capital letters are shouting. It tends to suggest that argumentation for you is being emotional and getting upset.


Your answer does not justify your judgment in any way. And for your information, the capitals were there to highlight the stress of the sentence.
You may avoid bisexual guys in your personal life for your own protection, if you had bad experiences in the past. Just like other people might avoid another type of people cause of traumatic experiences. That doesn’t give you the right to openly judge everyone in that category.
Like I said, it’s people who do things to others, people … all kinds of people. It’s not limited to one particular type of people and not everyone in the same category behaves the same on all fronts.


I was explaining the general gay communities views. Are you asserting that these aren’t what gay people think? Do you think you can dictate to my community what they should think? What their strategies to get through life should be?


Name calling seems to be your forte.

You should join me, and flag the post below yours, and above mines. I flagged it for “other reasons” = inappropriate profile for these threads. Do you agree?
Join us guys:


I flagged the post. This hasn’t happened in a while but it happens from time to time in here. Nothing new.


ಠಿ_ಠ人ತ_ತ First encounter on these threads, I see it a lot on YT, even on kids channels, and twitter. Such a mesh. ( ಠಗಠ )


Too bad we can’t flag it as two thing, I didn’t click the link but it looks like it’s spam as well as inappropriate.


I flagged it as spam.


Agreed, it probably is too . . .