It was hard to watch (warning message to the audience at the beginning). Honestly, I couldnât sleep after watching it. But Iâve got to know.
Iâve liked the format: a documentary series.
Liked the main speaker: The main speaker for this documentary is the real prosecutor of the case. They also interviewed prosecutors, jury, reporters and the victimâs family.
Liked the seriousness of the subject and how it was brought: child abuse.
More specifically, child abuse in California by the parents figure and how the 8-year-old child died despite the numerous calls from the teacher to the child protective services. How did nobody step in to save the child whereas there was raw evidence that the child was tortured? Carelessness? Big mistakes from the police, the social workers, the schoolâs director? Why the chain that was supposed to protect the child didnât work?
It was the first time that American social workers (= public officers that represent the State) had to defend themselves to prove their innocence in a childâs murder case.
Other things that as a viewer Iâve learnt from this:
â the system is not perfect. Even if servicesâ goal is to protect children (humans who are the most vulnerable of our system with elders or critically ill people), they could fail in protecting them, despite the childâs âfileâ being followed by child protective services. Itâs hard to realize that.
â How fear or ignorance could lead to hate someone and eventually the parentsâ figure (the mother and her boyfriend) to torture and kill their own child because of their belief in his sexual orientation.
â Development of a child, importance of parents figure and their own past? The documentary shed some light on the motherâs past (drugs that lead to the frontal lobe for empathy to be reduced, raped by her uncle in her childhood).
It also put into evidence how the child began to become aggressive at school and to separate himself from his schoolmates. He lost faith in adults.
â Morality, morals.
â the Death penalty. How or when can we say when someone deserves to die? Is it in menâs capacity?
And if our own child is beaten or tortured, will we kill the murderer (by a sentence or ourselves) if itâs in our power or will we pick another end if weâve got the choice?
â Parents love.
I wanted to know more about how to raise children.
So I read a book that was written by a psychologist and a mother who is not Danish but her husband is Danish. Iâve learned that Danish people have been the happiest in the world for 40 years according to this book and the authors explained that it was partly thanks to âhygge.â
(I hope itâs doable. Is there any Danish here?)
Then the authors talk about violence and corporal punishments towards children and said it was legally allowed to hit children with a stick or a cane to educate them at school in 19 states of America and it was legally allowed in all private schools of America!
The effects of corporal punishments on childrenâs development are disastrous and theyâre also ineffective in the long term (a study that lasted 20 years).
Effects were like depression, lack of self-love, lying behavior to avoid being beaten, mental health, anxiety, alcoholism, substance addiction, aggressivityâŠ
I havenât seen the documentary because it hits too close to home. Because I live in the same city as him, I remember reading about his death in a newspaper and crying. I was enraged at how he had been treated and how he died. Just sickening how it was allowed to happen.
Here are the facts about school corporal punishment, country by country. And thatâs just school. What happens at home is anyoneâs guess.
If you look up Asian countries like Corea youâll be even more sickened. Corporal punishment in Corea was banned only in 2014 and the parents revolted against it. This article, from January 2019, claims that
At present, Nepal and Mongolia are the only countries in Asia with legislation banning all forms of corporal punishment in all settings. Some, like the Philippines, are in the process of doing so
Here is a really weird website. It has lots and lots of info, including articles, pictures and videos, but it is very unpleasant to navigate because of the tone of writing, which appears to be in favour of âcorrectâ and âharmlessâ corporal punishment. Yuck!
Iâve learnt on your link that even France didnât forbid corporal punishment explicitly!
But some other countries in Europe like Spain, Greece or Italy have forbidden it explicitly and even Germany considered it as a criminal offence!
The Diplomatâs article you put responds to what the authors were saying in terms of teaching violence to children towards schoolmates and family while the teacher or parents use violence.
And when they become adults and have children in the future, they tend to reproduce their childhood or how parents taught them. Hopefully, itâs not always the case.
Iâm surprised that in Asia, itâs considered as socially and culturally accepted and normal to hit children to educate them. Even that Indonesian parents donât question this rule, saying itâs part of discipline.
I didnât click on the weird website, I prefer to follow your comment.
Yes, thank you for showing up!
So you see, I was reading a book about how come Danish people have been the happiest in the world for about 40 years. And in the book, they talked about one aspect in particular, which is âhygge,â that Danish parents use to raise their children.
Then when children grow into adults, we can see that they see life differently than other countriesâ citizens. In their perception, their problem resolution, their social interactions with their peers, their teamwork and even family relaxing time spent together, we see that we have a difficult culture in this aspect.
And I found it really interesting! Maybe I would have the opportunity to try hygge one day!
So my questions are:
What is âhyggeâ exactly?
Do you have some tips from your own experience or from what you could hear from your Danish friends and family?
I was also so surprised to learn that in Denmark, each mother has a midwife coming to their house to check on the baby and the mother less than a week after the babyâs birth. And during this visit, the midwife gives contacts of the other new mothers living in the same neighborhood, telling also if itâs their 1st, 2nd or 3rd baby, so they could help the new mother.
And then, these mothers would meet each week to share experiences and support to each mom!
They told that when you become a new mom, youâre under a lot of stress because itâs a whole new role for the mom, she lacks sleep and has less social interactions than before. On the contrary, friends, family and parents groups who surround the new family will help to reduce this stress, which is also good for the baby because the baby can feel it. Making these new moms groups is not a bad idea at all!
The word hygge is special to us and cannot be translated to one single word. It roughly translates to coziness or pleasant togetherness, but it means so much more. Hygge is something you do, something you feel. Itâs a concept. Itâs a lifestyle.
Hygge is a feeling of comfort and contentment as well as indulging in all the good things and people in your life. Hygge means creating a warm atmosphere, cozying up with a loved one for a movie or sitting around with friends and family, talking about the big and small things in life. It is about being good to yourself - indulging, having a nice time, not denying yourself anything. It is basically an expression for enjoying the simple things in life and I think that resonates with a lot of people.
Most parents I know often spend Sundays cozying up on the couch with their children, watching a movie or playing games while still in their pyjamas and eating whatever they feel like. I believe that much of our behavior as parents comes from our default settings, learned in childhood and absorbed from our surroundings. In Denmark, we emphasize wellbeing through interdependence. Children start school aged six and until the age of 10 finish the day at two oâclock, with the afternoon dedicated to free play. The curriculum prioritizes teamwork and building empathy rather than individual achievement. And itâs true what you read about these so called moms groups. Our health system does simple but effective things such as link new mothers up with others in their area for support in the crucial first few months.
Danes have incorporated hygge into their daily lives. It is an essential part of who we are and what we do. Itâs an idea so rooted in the Danish sense of togetherness and some might struggle to grasp the social significance. Someone once said, âHygge was never meant to be translated. It was meant to be felt.â Maybe the only way to understand this cultural idea is to visit Denmark.
No, you should, because the material he has gathered is astonishing, heâs done a very good job collecting it. The website has hundreds if not thousands of pages, itâs from all time periods and from all over the world, you can search by country if you want. His comments on the resources (articles, videos and pictures) are sometimes off-putting because of what he believes, but this doesnât diminish the educational value of his research.
Thank you!!
Iâm also surprised that you talk about the default settings and the interdependance! Are you the writer of this book?
Things I could memorize were about this default setting mode (when someone is pushed to his limits, he goes back to his own default setting mode and thatâs where corporal punishement could be inflicted for ex) and the interdependance between individuals. Danish people seem to have a strong sense of community (like at school and at home, children donât learn how to be the best or their schedule are not packed with a marathon of extra activities and like you said, they finish school earlier. The accent is put on how to live together. Like recognizing their own strengths and weaknesses as an individual and how to work it out with othersâ strengths and weak spots. Or not sticking tags to people: like separating the behaviour of the person and the person. It could help children not to devaluate themselves because some people say they are difficult children. Itâs not the child, itâs his behaviour that is difficult.
Or not feeding their ego, but hard work to have this result.
Itâs something really striking in the Danish culture and I think it would help a lot of children and future parents worldwide, but even the society as a community.
It would be interesting to see if some studies could find some correlation between the criminality rate, the poverty rate and hygge.
If thereâs no trial or justice at stake or itâs not done by a reporter to denounce it, but an apology to it, then Iâd rather not read or see it because itâs already hard to see pictures and videos, itâs reality and seeing the author is promoting violence inflicted to children to discipline themâŠ
Not promoting violence towards children was the most important educationnal point to me.
When there is no ethics, can it be called professionalism?
As I said, the articles are articles, and many of them are denounciations of it. Others just state the facts, the laws and the situation in various countries.
He also denounces what he calls the extreme or incorrect forms of violence.
Maybe I shouldnât have stated upfront my own reaction because in so doing Iâve deprived you of a useful tool for knowledge.
There are books Iâm not planning to read like Mein Kampf or the best murder written by a real murderer. These titles are excluded generally from students reading lists at school. I think we can understand why even if some parts of historical content could be considered as educational worthy value.
Even if the authors have been intelligent, their books have been a success (fascination or taste for the forbidden⊠whatever) and the content may have a lot of ideas and leads to understand their mind or the period or their beliefs, they have picked a different path that I canât relate to.
But outside of school or generally in life, anyone is free to read and watch what he wants and analyze it.
Iâm also not reading on purpose to be able to sleep, just like Helena with the documentary
But of course, reading a summary or watching a preview is fine, too.
Dane here! Anything in particular you want to ask?