Dear Antonela,
Re-reading the whole conversation with a rested mind this morning.
Frankly,
- the fact that you formatted your first post in all bold font,
- the curtness of your answers,
- the fact that you yourself said that you didn’t really wish to be part of this conversation but felt you had to (why?),
- the fact that you seemed not to have properly read what I wrote (since you repeatedly attributed things to me that were the opposite of what I clearly state in my document),
- and the whole general vibe you gave
was not of someone who came here with an open mind, like a blank page, with a neutral curiosity of “let’s see what this is about”, but rather like someone who had already heard negative things about it by a trusted person.
That’s the feeling I got. I may be totally wrong, of course, and I sincerely hope I am (and apologize in advance if that is the case).
But even if my hunch is correct, it’s only natural that we instinctively trust the words and opinions of a long-time collaborator more than those of a stranger. Therefore, even if I feel a bit disappointed, I’m not saying (or believing) you’re a bad person because of that.
Most of us are not 100% good nor 100% bad, we’re human beings. Most of us start with good intentions, they are not out to hurt others. Sometimes we get influenced by our life so far, our beliefs and our feelings, and that’s okay.
I also did that once. Oh, probably more than once, only that I am not aware of it.
Let me tell you a story.
There was a new kid at my son’s school. Everyone in the class was 14, but he was two years older because he didn’t understand the language well. He was tall and muscular, practically a man. At that age, two years is a big difference. One day my son came home with a red and watery eye. When I asked, he told me that this boy had punched him and also that he had stuffed the blackboard eraser sponge full of chalk dust into another boy’s mouth. My Mediterranean mom’s blood boiled.
Next day I went to school when they were all coming out. I planted myself in front of that boy, belligerantly saying: “If you dare to lay hands on my son again, I won’t sit still, you’ll have to deal with me”.
Some months later, that boy went back to his country because of his parents’ job, so we never heard of him again.
Very recently I remembered and mentioned that episode and my son told me:
“Mom, you know, it wasn’t as bad as you made it to be. We were all messing around, we also taunted and teased him. It’s just that he was so much bigger and stronger than us, so he didn’t calculate his strength well and whatever he did had more impact”.
I felt so remorseful when I heard that. I should have been more cool-headed. I should have investigated more and asked both sides of the story before playing the action heroine.
But does that make me a bad person? It was only human, and probably the boy - who is now a fully-grown adult - will not even remember the incident anymore.
I am 65 now, I have done my share of unwise things in my life, so I’m not so quick to judge other people as I was in my younger years. I give anyone the benefit of the doubt and they have to really show bad faith for me to give up on them. I also had a very close brush with death two years ago, so I don’t let negative things get to me and trouble me as much as they did before. I can weather storms.
So please don’t feel judged, don’t feel I am against you or anything like that. You are someone I think highly of in this community. And that’s also why I tagged you.
Have a nice day, my dear, and let’s both keep trying the best for all involved around here, each one in her own way.
I’m looking forward to hearing from other people who took the trouble of reading my proposal.