Miss Willow, ever-careful to have many ready-to-eat snax and ever-careful to avoid any activity even remotely like cooking for herself, listened with interest to tales from her co-workers of spicy Brazilian dishes they had eaten as she sat at her desk, awake and ready for a late, late lunch after a refreshing nap at her desk during the morning and early afternoon.
“Fish grilled in hot ashes on a volcanic island. Sounds muito gostosa. My type of food. I have a flame-proof stomach.”
"Clear out the bathroom,"announced the dually named Porky/Pine-Sama. “She’s awake after seven hours of some kind of caffeine-induced coma. Caffeine is a worse diuretic than alcohol!”
“I wouldn’t talk if I were you,” yawned Miss Willow. “You Japanese currently seem to have a fixation on and coffee-related products that puts me to shame.”
Porky/Pine-Sama sighed. “I don’t know what else I can say to correct your impression of my cultural heritage. I live in San Francisco, but I’m not Japanese.”
Miss Willow nodded. “I know. You are so culturally confused you don’t know what you are. That’s why I have intuited your essence and read your aura and whatnot and assigned you the beautiul name of Pine-Sama.”
Miss Willow yawned and stretched. “I’m hungry for a nosh. Oh, Niles, be a dear and bring me a cup of tea.”
“Sorry,” said Niles the talking koala. “I’m busy playing Go-Stop with the shrimp kami.”
Miss Willow saw that he and the shrimp kami that had infiltrated Badger Productions in bags of Japanese snak puffs were indeed playing cards, poker to be exact, using OSPD-nim as their playing surface.
“Fine,” said Miss Willow and picked up her smartphone. She pressed the quick dial icon on the home screen. “Back parking lot? Is this the attendant? Yes, could you fetch me a case of Light Nautical Bikki Stix fromm the pallet out there? You say I’ve already consumed the entire pallet of snax? How is that poss–oh, never mind. Can you send somebody to fetch me something to drink from the convenience store? Oh, thank you so very much.”
For ten minutes, Miss Willow sat with her eyes closed, softly singing to herself.
She opened her eyes at the sound of the front door of the office clattering open.
“G’day, mate,” said Nigel as a corgi trotted in, dragging a carton of almond milk.
“For you maybe,” growled the corgi as Miss Willow took the carton from its mouth.
(Giphy)
OSPD-nim’s eyes widened. “Is that another kami?”
Nigel shook his head. “No, just a talking corgi working part-time to pay for obedience school. Not every non-human creature in our neighborhood is mythical.”
OSPD-nim smiled weakly. “Good to know.”
The corgi waddled up to stare OSPD-nim in the face. In crisp Received Pronunciation, it announced, “I am completely cognizant, I’ll have you know, of your less than salubrious reputation as a purveyor of adult entertainment–”
“Director of videos of a thoughtful nature for lovers of fine Asian films and television series,” said Niles.
"Fine, said the corgi. “We’ll do it your way.” He growled slightly at OSPD-nim. “Whatever tawdry mode of employment you are currently engaged in, if you do not forthwith stand and deliver in the amount of 250 Euros, I will bite your nose off.”
“What?” hissed OSPD-nim. “For a carton of almond milk? That’s highway robbery!”
“I don’t care what you think. Pay up or suffer the consequences.”
“You’d better listen,” said Miss Willow, delicately sipping almond milk from the carton. “You should know better than anyone here that corgis are fierce little dogs bred to hunt badgers.”
(Giphy)
Uh, Yea, so I’m from San Francisco. And I DO like my fusion foods!
“Hmm. The Codfish stew with gochujang is a go if we are anywhere near Korea.”
