This is the charm of the “bad boy”. But it takes a really good writer to know how far to take it and no further. There are things we can take and things we MUST NOT. Manipulation is one thing I cannot tolerate no matter what.
And when the “bad guy” finally changes paths, I like it when writers show just how completely he’s repented.
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Yep, the appeal is definitely in the character development… and it’s fiction. Real life isn’t like TV, people don’t change their entire personalities or heal their trauma just because the right scrappy poor girl came along and kept harassing them. Life doesn’t follow a convenient narrative and real people don’t always get a redemption arc. So I think it’s fine to root for them and enjoy dramas for fun while steering clear of standoff-ish jerks in real life!
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Even though people in real life DO change, I think I would wait until the person has really changed/recuperated before starting a romance with them. A lot of these traumatic-past guys need time to heal and just receive love… platonic love. From stronger people. A relationship is way more serious and I think both partners must be fully stable and of equal mind.
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Very well said, everyone. There is this element of watching Kdramas because they can be so unrealistic and we can be a part of a journey and watch growth from a safe distance. Most of us aren’t viewers because we are seeking realism.
But I do think that when it comes to interpersonal relationships (lovers, friendships, and even family), there is this fine line of fantasy that comes into play. We blow past red flags and romanticize things too much and I wonder if what we consume for entertainment (not just Kdramas, but all entertainment) bolsters that romanticization.
Do bad boys with soft hearts even exist? LOL
Full disclosure: I have been consuming a crazy amount of true-crime podcasts that may be clouding my judgement about people in general haha
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My answer to this is YES! In drama and in real life - 
(not all bad boys are toxic or abusive)
I think there are many definitions for a “bad boy”
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Great question! Given how much I am drawn to the ‘bad boy with a heart of gold’ trope, I assume there is a subconscious part of me that wanted to be the girl who helped the bad boy find a better path, but in reality I would never stick around these rude jerks long enough to find out if they have a soft heart.
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I think it depends on what that means. I don’t mind the dramas where the leads just get off to a bad start through no fault of their own and dislike each other but gradually warm up. I don’t mind the ones where the woman or man is like “local famous hottie”–though the Cdramas especially stretch this trope, I find it hard to believe that CEOs, sommeliers or architects etc. have throngs of fans chasing them–and keeps a distance from everybody because otherwise they’d just be mobbed all day. They always fall for the one person who isn’t sucking up to them, and it makes sense I guess.
But the actual abusive guys? No thanks. Or when they say horrible mean things to the FL to make her think he’s not crushing on her? Just…why? Who does that? I’ll watch them, not gonna lie, but my favorite shows by far are the ones where the drama comes from a couple with awesome communication working together against external problems. And all the organized crime drama bosses who are just trying to get out of the business and start their legit life? (Bromance, Was It Love, etc) Like they’re supposed to be the sweetest guys but also they are running a successful crime syndicate without actually criming? Not believable.
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LOL Cdramas crack me up with this trope… but I can’t get enough. The throngs of fans oogling outside of a staff meeting or something 
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Do girls really like stare at hot guys walking into malls, classrooms, dining halls and act like they are admirers just because their handsome! Cracks me up! And they always say “He’s so Handsome”
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This is so true. The latest I saw recently was a florist. A FLORIST! I couldn’t believe he could practically have idol status.
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I agree with @brickout . It depends on what type of “bad guy” he is. The ones with trust issues(mean to people because people have been betraying/trying to cheat them all their lives) are fine. The ones who’re just aloof and don’t have any filter are also okay(Imperial Coroner). The ones who are harsh because that’s just the way they’ve been trained and want the best from their employees (Ashes of Love/ Jugglers). The ones who are just doing their own jobs well and don’t care about other people but somewhere along the way they start realizing the value and importance of other people in their lives (I’m Not a Robot). They all usually have soft hearts which they’ve built walls around because of various circumstances. They are decent characters inside— you see that in the little things they do. Especially I’m Not A Robot’s ML. He was such an adorable cinnamon roll when the others were finally able to break down his walls.
It’s the ones who just insult the FLs like they don’t even respect them as human beings who are huge turn-offs and I usually stop watching. Maybe because of my own personal experiences, I HATE people who comment on others’ bodies. Manipulative, controlling guys are the other type I cannot stand. Guys with serious obsessive issues. I don’t mind pettiness, sometimes I actually find it really funny and cute. But there’s a line they shouldn’t cross, like forbidding the FL to meet someone or yanking/breaking things someone else has given them in all seriousness. I liked that part in Ashes of Love where the ML gets jealous because the SML gave FL a gift. He snatches the gift and gets totally petty but when the fun atmosphere changes and she gets serious, he hands it back nicely and lets her keep it.
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I don’t know if I should call this “toxic”, but it’s definitely not a healthy relationship— the guy does EVERYTHING for the girl while the girl just receives, receives, receives. We have lots of character development on the guy’s part, but the girl is still the same character.
It seems to give a subtle message that is not really right… once you “fix” the guy, your
“reward” is being treated like a queen for the rest of your life and it’s a joy ride from then on. So many times, the FL just does whatever nonsense she feels like doing and the rich CEO/ influential guy ends up cleaning up after her. It feels like a a conquest, not a relationship.
So many times, I want to stop and ask the FL “Do you even LIKE the guy? Or are you with him now because you want to showcase to the world that you successfully “fixed” him?”
I felt it a little in SWDBS. Once they start dating, it’s always him doing everything. I didn’t really like the last scene of the drama. ML is supposedly the head of two business corporations but he’s getting kicked around all day by his super strong baby twins. He desperately calls FL and she literally just brushes him off in annoyance when she’s the only person who can actually handle the kids (their twins are super strong, like her).
Or those times when the FL just follows and follows and nags and nags the ML until suddenly he starts to like her. And once he starts to like her, he automatically becomes more like a slave. It’s tiring and annoying to watch. I don’t feel any “girl power”. I just want to scream at them, “BEING A LITTLE NICE WON’T KILL YOU, YOU KNOW!” but that’s something I scream at half the MLs too— bEFORE they get into the relationship.
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I didn’t like the drama at all and I love PHS! And I love PBY but not SWDBS. It is such a popular drama but your right he always became “silly” which isn’t necessary. Can’t we have a strong woman and a strong man without them kind of becoming like a yes girl or a yes guy! What happened to cooperation.
I agree! I love that character and he was a bad boy hurting inside! I gravitate to those guys like My Love from the Stars also - Sweet Alien standoffish professor with a heart of gold.
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Besides the fact that SWDBS is one of my favorites, so we will have to agree to disagree on that one, I totally get what you are saying. While the rude/abusive CEO storyline gets a lot of attention, there are definitely a lot of examples of the type of relationship you describe. Some of these men take just as much crap from their women, just in different ways. Something that drives me crazy, and that I don’t see talked about too much in any type of forum I’ve been involved in, is when the man ends up apologizing for something that I feel was ultimately the woman’s fault, either directly or indirectly. I can’t think of a specific example right now, but hopefully you know what I am describing. Like maybe the woman has been scheming something and as a result, through no fault of his own, the guy ends up getting involved somehow and then has to apologize when her scheme doesn’t go as planned.
So, while women clearly take a lot of abuse in some of these dramas (Seriously, can they please stop referring to these women as fat when they couldn’t possibly weigh more than 100 pounds, or that they are stupid for any number of awful reasons to call someone stupid), men are often on the receiving end as well, just in a different way.
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I think you misunderstood me. I gave the SWDBS example just off he top of my head because it was the first one I thought of. That scene was hardly two minutes long and I’m sure the writers did it just for comedy and I took it seriously. From start to end, their relationship is actually very beautifully written. There is only one arc that irritated me that I skipped a little. The main story itself is very good. I don’t know how much of the drama you watched before giving it up, but it’s really a very, very good one.
I LOVED the main couple’s relationship. The writers wrote FL very, VERY well. She is super strong, but they didn’t make her invincible. Her IQ isn’t very high and she’s a really sensitive soul. Both leads are very misunderstood characters, and that’s why they compliment each other so well. The ML is a big-shot CEO with quite a few enemies but almost no friends. He lives alone in a huge house because his father has another family now, and no one really KNOWS him except his secretary guy.
The FL sees her gift as a curse. Anyone who finds out about her either is terrified of her or treats her like an invincible goddess. No one really understands that she needs love and care like any other woman. She hides her strength from everybody, especially her childhood crush, who treats her more like a kid sister.
ML knows about her strength from the very beginning. But I love the way he treats her. He understands her, and is always there when she needs him. He understands that she doesn’t want to be a superhero, she just wants to be an ordinary game designer and make people happy. He helps her, teaches her to control her strength, and, in his own way, is her hero. I love how the writers bring that out. FL never had someone who tried to protect her; this guy’s first reaction is always to shield her, even though he knows she’s super strong. And FL loves it because no one has ever treated her this way, other than her dad. No one other than FL has ever taken care or cooked a home-cooked meal for ML after his mum died.
And this FL is a huge, shining example of a woman who reciprocates love. She’s ultra-sweet to everyone and EXTREMEELY adorable when she’s in love. You can actually see that she’s just as smitten with his as he is with her. She expresses her love with both her words and actions, even publicly giving ML preferential treatment (OTHER FLs, TAKE NOTES!!). I love how she totally plays along with his cheesiness, she’s such an adoRABLE woman. She’s one of my FAVORITE FLs ever, up there with Cha Ji Won(FoE) and Jo Ji Ah(I’m Not A Robot).
I love their teamwork. I actually screamed and cheered for FL when she actually GOES and ASKS FOR HELP instead of doing her own thing. WHAT AN AMAZING WOMAN! I love how the three leads overcome the villain together. I cried so much at that one scene where she’s tied up to a bomb and she’s crying so hard, begging ML to leave and run to safety, but he’s right there, as close to her as he can get, assuring her that he’ll never leave her side because he knows she’s terrified.
I love the way she totally wins over ML’s dad and how ML earns her dad’s trust. He is sooooo respectful, calling her dad when she’s out late in the night with him. He’s the only one her dad listens to, it’s adorably funny. FL’s parents had issues and ML is the one who convinces her dad not to leave. I cried when FL’s dad finally gives her hand in marriage to ML because that moment was so tender and symbolic.
I LOVED the father-in-law/son-in-law dynamic, it was soooo cute! You rarely get to see a relationship like this. SWDBS is definitely not your average superhero drama. It’s full of warmth and heart!^^
In contrast, I think the reason I’m included in the extreme minority of people who didn’t like What’s Wrong with Secretary Kim is because I sometimes felt like he liked her WAAYYYYY more than she ever did. I don’t remember it clearly but I do remember being disappointed and unsatisfied with the way he’s so crazy about her and she’s just… idk
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I watched the WHOLE thing! It is strange that I did not like it! It might have been the slap stick I don’t know! I made myself finish it because everyone loves it and I love PHS (so much from High Society) and I love PBY (so much from DOOM and Ghostess). I just didn’t like it.
And I in NO WAY think anything about SWDBS is Toxic.
I actually think (horrors) I didn’t see the chemistry between PHS and PBY even though I know a lot of people did. And I know PHS really loved working with her. It could possibly be because I love him so much in High Society with his love - maybe I couldn’t see him with someone else - IDK… I am so glad that it is one of your favorites! Like W is one of mine and that is not everyone’s favorite I could watch W over and over again. I have only completely dropped 2 dramas Love Alarm 2 and Doctors I couldn’t get through those two.
And I love What is Wrong With Secretary Kim - Everyone is different!
We Can Arm Wrestle!!! ahahahahahaha
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This is a phenomenon that happens to me from time to time - you love a character so much with a particular on-screen partner that it becomes really hard to see them with someone new. I get it.
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Funny story: even the staff kept wondering whether the two of them were dating throughout the whole show!
This happens to me, too!! I think it’s one of the reasons I couldn’t watch Vincenzo… even though I didn’t like the DOTS FL all that much, I still found their relationship hella cute and couldn’t stop myself from comparing the two FLs 
There are a few actors I enjoy EVERYTHING about. Like Lee Joon Gi and So Ji Sub. I have no problem watching any number of their dramas with different personalities and different FLs because they somehow make it work all the time!
We all have our own drama preferences… that’s what makes “DISCUSSING” so much fun here!! 
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Isn’t it weird that really liking a particular actor/actress can lead to both outcomes? I have the ones for whom I can watch anything and everything and then some that are my absolute favorites in certain roles that make it hard to watch in others.
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Funny about PBY - I LOVED her in Oh My Ghostess and the chef is 
. But I loved her chemistry with DOOM - on and off screen they are so cute
PMY - is my girl who seems to have chemistry with EVERYONE! Makes me crazy!
I guess we have gotten off the Toxic Relationship topic! hahahahahaha!
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