Improving English subtitles AFTER they have been created

“Respect the native language patterns as much as we can”
What about respecting the target language as well?

Here is a sentence from an episode I’m working on right now:

“Because of the numerous obstacles you’ve created, it’s hard to get over them.”
Obviously someone was trying to be respectful to the structure of Korean here.

I would change it to:
"You have created so many obstacles that now it’s hard to get over them. "

and
Whenever I go to Seoul, of all the words we’ve spoken,
I only see your smiling face.

(Is a smiling face part of the words?)

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