Most bullies act aggressively based on what they see and experience at home. If there’s love and stability within your family, then you’re not going to abuse your schoolmates, are you? But when you see your dad hurting your mom… That’s certainly going to leave a lot of emotional scars.
And it’s just the worst when adults get involved.
One time at school, I was walking down the hallway when suddenly this woman started beating me up. I was really scared. Then she stopped, looked at me and said: “It’s not you.” So she walked off, no apology or anything. I get it now… 20 years later. Her child was bullied. But that did not give her the right to beat up everyone in school! I’m no saint, but even criminals have rights.
I can totally identify with this. When parents jump in, they’re usually already biased because their kid is always the perfect one in their eyes. They will believe whatever their kid says. And that’s a good thing. Trusting your kid is good. But you can’t close your eyes to the fact that kids lie. And sometimes those lies bring on a whole host of trouble onto actual victims.
When I was six, I lost my gold earrings because I took them off in school. I was so scared that my mom would yell at me when she found out that I told her a guy in my class took it. I didn’t expect her to actually go to the kid to scold him. I felt so bad about it that I confessed and took the punishment and then we apologised to the poor guy. I’m glad I transferred to a different state because till today I know I can’t look him in the eye, I feel SO BAD that I did that!!
But there are actual people who won’t do that and just keep the lie till the end. I guess it was payback for me because later on in tenth grade I was accused of doing something I never did. I was scolded by the parents till I cried, and since those parents had power, they spoke to my other friends and I ended up losing three friends overnight. Did I ever get to clear my name? Nope. The next time I saw them I had to act like everything was fine and their kid was amazing.
There aren’t a clear right or wrong way. My grand mother gave me knitting needles and told me to blame her when I got in trouble for using them, thankfully I never used them, could of killed someone. My parents where then again completely useless, so I had to navigate my childhood on my own and learn by making my own mistakes as well. I would say in a way it’s made me stronger later in life, and I’m a better person for it, even though it back then was pure hell. With different approaches you get different results. I myself because of all this tend to want to understand problems more than to outright attack, condemn, flee, avoid etc.
@adrianmorales
One time at school, I was walking down the hallway when suddenly this woman started beating me up. I was really scared. Then she stopped, looked at me and said: “It’s not you.” So she walked off, no apology or anything. I get it now… 20 years later. Her child was bullied. But that did not give her the right to beat up everyone in school! I’m no saint, but even criminals have rights
I don’t know what country you live in, but if I had touched any of those kids that abused my kids; I probably would still doing jail time by now. Because like you said ‘‘Criminals have right too’’. The fact that they were underage, would have been my doom and ‘‘the bully’’ ‘‘the criminal’’ would be able to continue doing their bullying/criminal activities. Isn’t that just great?
The way I bullied back those bully kids was by requesting hearings, pressing charges, and even getting an order of protection for my kids. Once you get an order of protection the person can’t be close to their victim meaning they had to leave the school for good. they would loose their friends and attending a good school which they had NO RIGHT to go to bc they were disrupting the learning and peace of Law abiding Citizens not a hood loom, who decides to become an abuser just bc they were abused.
I was severely abused but I didn’t become an abuser bc I didn’t wanted anyone to experience the pain I went through. It’s very sick to think that a person that knows what physical and mental pain feels like decides to give someone else all that pain instead of becoming a better human being and never cause another person the pain they went through. I considered myself a bullied while defending my kids bc although I didn’t physically attacked them, I would make sure that bully was never able to bully another innocent child like mine was. I raised my kids to respect, get along with everyone and be kind not to become anyone’s punching bags.
There are many ways to be a bullied that requires no mental or corporal abuse. I have met my share of bullies here, and we are no where close to each other, but the bullies managed to bully me here. I bet some ppl. consider me a bully in here too (that is to be proven though and good thing I always save all my evidence to defend/protect myself). they delete their insults but is always way too late for them. A way to fight bullies is to have evidence on hands of the bullying, and make sure that evidence can prove our ‘‘accusations’’ ‘‘allegations.’’ After all, even a murderer is innocent; until proven guilty.
I am so sorry an adult put their hands on you but maybe that scare moment you went through, stopped you from ever becoming a bully. Just saying…
Your grandmother loved you so much that she protected you the only way she knew (under the circumstances bc we need to work with what we have). That (knitting needle) must have been the only option for her to protect her precious grandson. To think she was willing to pay for whatever you did; makes her in my eyes A TRUE HERO.
Different people learn different ways the lessons learned in life bc after all, we are humans, and as humans we are imperfect, and believe me; we are allowed to make mistakes. But imo, what we should never be allowed is for any human being NOT to fight back, and defend/protect yourself or others/loved ones. I am so glad that through your rough life as an innocent child you blossomed into a better person (u even apologized to a person who bullied u). Your grandmother must be so proud of what you became, and the better person you are no matter the mistakes you made along the way.
What you did makes you an awesome person, at least in my book.
Thank you so much for the warm sentiments. I suppose I have learnt my lesson. After all, I’m an advocate for all things nice.
Yes, you are a really wonderful human being, and if I ever felt there was any hypocrisy, hate, evilness in you, I would never have talked to you bc once I sense what’s inside a person’s soul and their real motives, and of who they really are inside, I keep myself away from that person.
If we surround ourselves with loving kindness ppl. / blessings will fill or days, but if in the other hand, we surround ourselves by hateful negative people that will destroy our good aura, and bring grief into our life.
We can’t be perfect and in this disgusting shell of body we have many imperfections that will come our way; but we just need to recognize that as imperfect as we are, we can redeem ourselves by doing the right thing and we must never turn our face from good and give in to evilness. Blessings to you and your loved ones.
Yeah, she was tuff stuff, in many ways she was my only one and that was the take away that I took, not that I actually should go stab my enemies. I think she also knew that I wouldn’t such a thing. She was from the wartime generation, thing where absolute back in here time, absolute solidarity with others no half hearted half measures. Her husbands side of the family lost everything to the Russians twice. Sticking together as a family and society was something obvious for her.
@mattlock
You know what? I was going to mention just that; she gave you that weapon bc she knew you would never have used it, but she wanted you to feel protected so you wouldn’t feel all alone since the people that you needed to nurture and love you were not there for you. A mother and father is so important in a child’s life, and I’m so sorry you was deprived of that ((sometimes is the best thing that can happen to us).
Parents(in different culture) raise their children differently, and defending them only comes from the LOVE they have for them. Some parents as you can see, can love a child the wrong way, and create a monster. Allowing your child to lie and backing them out gives room for a criminal to be in the horizon.
The way I taught my kids was to always be truthful, and they could never lie to me bc I always knew if they were lying to me or not. I always told them I would not forgive them if I ever found out they lied to me, so when they wanted to say a white lie, they would end up bursting in laughter.
I also warned them if you didn’t do something and someone accuses you, I don’t care if is the Virgin Mary (to us very sacred) you don’t admit you did it, and you state your innocence, until you turn blue in your face. I added, much less even if they were the king of England, would I allow my child to speak ever again to the people or child that accused my kid. No way in hell my child would humiliate themselves marked as guilty, if they were innocent.
I also put fear in my kids bc I always told them I didn’t raised criminals ,and if they steal or do something wrong and end up in jail, they could forget they had a mother, and added I don’t visit jails bc I don’t like criminals and I didn’t bring one into this world either.
And it’s just the worst when adults get involved.
There needs to be a balance on how much a parent protects and loves her children. It’s very sad to me that your parents weren’t there for you, to make sure that no matter how much power these people had, no one had the right to accuse their child of something she/he didn’t do, and suffer the humiliation of being innocent branded as guilty (and to this day I know that’s a torn is in your heart). Hopefully your future babies will never face something like you did. You learned two good lessons in life; don’t forget to teach them to your children when the time comes.
Why would you give her your share too? If you don’t remember how much each one put, just split it in half, no need to twist your mind with calculations. In the envelope, write a note saying you don’t want further communication and her number is blocked on your phone.
Many are wondering why now, why only a few have decided to stand up for themselves… Fear is a terrible thing. I’m sure many more have been bullied or worse, but they’re simply too afraid to say anything, lest they should lose their job, their reputation. Sadly, we’re living in a very judgemental society. And don’t tell I’m wrong. “Oh, look at the way she’s dressed!” “No, she didn’t say that!” “She’s just an attention-seeker!” “After all I’ve done for you!” It’s this disgusting attitude that’s preventing people from standing up against injustice and abuse. This needs to stop. People need to feel safe when talking about these terrible things. But that can’t happen unless we as a society become caring and supportive.
Im happy they wont cancel it since everybody worked so hard on it. It´s just sad tho since they probably wont win any awards now, and i just had the feeling this drama had all the potential to get at least 5 of them. Worried about Na In Woo too. I just don´t see him as On Dal. I have watched at least three adaptations to the real story and i just cant sit on it. Hopes that he can surprise us and prove me wrong.
Ok so I heard about this last night. I might not be a huge fan of Ji Soo. But I noticed him early in Doctors as the motorcycle bad boy. He has admitted to his wrong doing. He has apologized. I have a problem with someone coming out on social media 12 years later to ruin someone’s career and life. This could inherently hurt not only him but a lot of people. They did it at the “Height” of him being a leading man not before when he was on Strong Woman. They have recordings they held on to? It is sad that we can ruin someone with just a few strokes of a “pen” so to say. If you wanted to come out and speak out against him, go to his agency go to him personally before hitting Twitter or Instagram. People in Glass Houses shouldn’t throw stones. I did stuff in MS/HS I am not proud of and would not want people plastering everywhere. Now before you get mad. I have two people in my life that were bullied and yes it is a painful hard subject but some of the accusations against Ji Soo his agency even feels are FALSE but people have decided to roast him. I wish him luck as he leaves for the military and I hope that he can grow from all of these experiences and making restitution to people he feels he has wronged. We are ALL human. And the drama itself, the writer the other actors, I know he is sad to have caused these issues. (Personally I think he should have been able to finish the drama)
Yes, I agree. This was his first major lead role and the drama was such a high-flying, high-rated one from the start. It seemed to be a major breakthrough for him as an actor after Strong Woman.
I get that the victims may have suffered a lot, but I still feel it doesn’t justify dragging his whole career. It happened so long ago, it seems so sad that everything had to come out just at this important time for him.
As a person who has been bullied enough, I still feel hurt and angry when I think about how they made my life miserable, but does it really justify destroying their career? I don’t know how to feel.
I agree but some of the accusations so far the agency feels are false. I also was bullied I was actually physically assaulted by a middle school boyfriend (he hit me) I was so ashamed I never told anyone. But would I drag him out now (I still remember his name) NO! I would not ruin a person years later. I do not think that this justifies ruining his life and career. Yes, get some mediation going, have him make restitution but his apology was quick, he did not admit to some of the other things that are FALSE but all this twitter and Instagram bullying he is getting is just even as bad as bullying someone to their face! As I said, I was just becoming a fan. I don’t know why this bothers me so much as someone who has been bullied and watched people bully in front of me! I worked in middle school front office - I have SEEN it all. I wish I could actually send him a note of encouragement as this is just a devastating time for him, any of the victims, the crew on the show etc. And he is a human being who has feelings also.
Yes, I was kinda glad that he didn’t try to justify himself at all. He just apologised in his letter, while the agency did the confirming that the sexual assault allegations were false. I’m not even a fan of his (just saw him in Strong Woman and Hyung Sik had me from the start) but it still hurts to think of the immense hate he’s getting. No human being deserves heartless judgement from the entire world.
You could also find an anti bullying charity or campaign and donate it to that. You could put the donation in her name if you think that would help the guilt of not giving back the money.
My parents where then again completely useless, so I had to navigate my childhood on my own and learn by making my own mistakes as well. I would say in a way it’s made me stronger later in life, and I’m a better person for it, even though it back then was pure hell. With different approaches you get different results. I myself because of all this tend to want to understand problems more than to outright attack, condemn, flee, avoid etc.
