No, Suicide Is Never The Answer!

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If you follow Viki’s own Soompi website or just Knews in general, then you have no doubt heard about Goo Hara’s suicide attempt. She is going through a lot at the moment, including a nasty lawsuit filed against her abusive ex-boyfriend, so I can only assume that she eventually succumbed to all that pressure. Fortunately, her manager went to check-up on her and immediately took her to the hospital. She is out of harm’s way, but it is really unfair that she has to suffer like this.

You know, I live in a place where you absolutely cannot die before your sworn enemy does, so you end up with a bunch of elderly folks shaking their canes and their false teeth at each. Goo Hara, on the other hand, is a sweet and fragile person. When she needed positive affirmation, she only received negative comments.

No matter what I look like, I hope you will look at me nicely at least once. (from one of her Instagram posts)

To this I say: No, not once!! Always!! And even if no one does, scr*w them!! Your life is infinitely more important!!

Even in tragedy, her kind heart remains unchanged. After she regained consciousness, she made a statement apologising to everyone. Again, No!! It is this nasty world that needs to get down on its knees and apologise. We do not deserve someone like her. :sweat:

I genuinely hope that she recovers well and focuses on herself from now on. She deserves all the happiness in the Universe.

I will end this post with a quote from The Adventures of Tintin:
There are plenty of others willing to call you a failure. A fool. A loser. A hopeless souse! Don’t you ever say it of yourself. You send the wrong signal, that is what people pick up. Do you understand? You care about something, you fight for it. You hit a wall, you push through it. There’s something you need to know about failure, Tintin. You can never let it defeat you.

https://www.soompi.com/article/1328001wpp/goo-hara-releases-statement-through-representative-reassures-fans-following-suicide-attempt

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Love the title “No, suicide is never the answer!” and in the same subject:

I’ve watched this video from Jina Kim, a native Korean vlogger on Youtube, last week.
She’s talking about her personal experience with suicide.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CO8mWA_BsgA

I know this YouTuber thanks to Viki. I didn’t know her before and I’ve liked some of her videos, not all to be honest, but some. So I started to volunteer on her videos on Viki.
Having watched her on Viki, I didn’t know she had depression and wanted to kill herself. It’s really not visible to any viewer of her vlog.

Last week, this video just popped up from YouTube recommendations and before I knew it, I’ve just watched this entire video.
People all have secrets.
We never really know someone and the pain they could have gone through. And it’s not because they don’t talk about it or they smile that it doesn’t exist or everything’s fine. Sometimes they suffer, they have depression, anxiety and even the family doesn’t know about it or friends, especially in Korea, because if it is known, you won’t find a job or lose your current job because people will think “she has mental problems” and some of your friends will reject you. Indeed, one of her friends rejected her.
One of her professors told her not to mention this to any student, professor or anyone. Hiding it.

The therapist she met said this at that time (@12:39):

“Actually, “I want to die”, it means that I want to be loved. I want to get along with lots of people. I want to become confident. I want to love myself. Something like that. So, “I want to die” doesn’t mean that I really want to die.”

And he saved her life because of this sentence.
It’s a call for people to live on and to love themselves.

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Thank you so much for sharing this video! I’m glad she’s doing better. I’m glad she’s telling others to do better too. :heart:

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Yes, her videos have saved some people’s life (reading the comments below her video).

I watched these videos yesterday:
“This Is How Short Your Life Is.”
Watch it, it will make you want to take your life in hand. Life is so short already.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9mSpwYQMwvE

This one:
“Best Advice You’ve Received | 0-100”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZfsyrNKhNTE

(I’ve watched this after you posted this topic):
TED talks: Why we choose suicide | Mark Henick | TEDxToronto

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1QoyTmeAYw

I think that by trying to understanding why someone wants to kill himself can help to find a solution.
TED, sharing ideas, sharing knowledge, sharing life.

About danger of social media:
I read some time ago on news that a Malaysian teenage girl killed herself because some Instagrammers voted her death when she asked the question: “Really Important, Help Me Choose D/L”.

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2019/may/15/teenage-girl-kills-herself-after-instagram-poll-in-malaysia

If social media put pressure on people or influence them enough to make important decisions in life, then it’s an alarm to know that it’s time to put some distance with social media.

One of the best songs out there:
“Viva la vida” by Coldplay

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dvgZkm1xWPE

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But how can someone so intelligent and good-looking like Mark Henick even consider suicide?! How can a 19-year-old girl with a bright future ahead of her throw herself into the Danube, as it happened in my country last December?!

These are the thoughts of the general population. They don’t understand that depression and suicidal thoughts have nothing to do with being pretty or successful. It’s literally a state of mind, a negative one. If your tooth hurt, no one would ask why you needed to see a dentist. If there’s something wrong with your mind and need to see a specialist, however, you are automatically misunderstood and even ostracised. In the words of Mark Henick, that’s not acceptable!!
This is why I’m ultra vocal about suicide and mental issues in general. I’ve had my share of insults and Jump, you coward!! moments, but I’ve always been too stubborn to listen to anyone, with the exception of my mother. :sweat_smile:

Thank you for posting your thoughts and thank you for sharing these videos!!
By the way, you have excellent taste in music. Coldplay rules!! :notes:

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This is a subject that touches my own heart very strongly since I have a brother who was suicidal before.

Goooooooooood, the hours we’ve spent talking, me kind of forcing him to try to talk out of fear that he would just get worse otherwise and finally manage it (he’s ok with me talking about his by the way). He couldn’t even voice why he felt bad in the beginning, he had no words to describe how he felt. So I just kept bombarding him with questions until he got fed up with my wrong guesses and tried to explain. Slowly, slowly, slowly he started finding the words, opening up, and guess what - He had millions of misunderstandings about things, and had created a mental prison for himself that he couldn’t get out of.

This is very easy to do, create mental prisons I mean, and many times we need other peoples help to get out of those prisons. Until we learn how to get out of them ourselves. It took years, but my beloved wonderful brother is not suicidal anymore. He’s enjoying life, and if something comes up… that’s right, then we talk about it. Some time ago he told me “I’m so glad I didn’t manage to kill myself when I wanted to before, then I would have missed out on everything that’s happening now!”

So you couldn’t have chosen a better title in my opinion, cause it’s TRUE.

Hey, another great Coldplay song: Fix you :slight_smile:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4V3Mo61fJM

So to all of you out there: Not everyone has an obnoxious sister who won’t leave them alone, but do you have someone you trust, even the slightest? TALK to them. Even if you can’t find the words at first. It’s enough to just start with saying that you feel bad.
If you don’t: Search for them. There is always someone around you willing to listen, you just need to find them. It might not be who you expect, so be open about who it might be, look for GENUINE care for you.
If it takes too long: Go to a professional, even if some might sneer. Your life is more important, you have NO idea how important you are (cause we seldom realize our own worth). Don’t even try to fight me on this, it’s a fact. My brother is much more important to me than he’ll EVER realize. You have people around you like that too… do you see them? Don’t miss out on all the good things waiting for you after you get through this.
Reach out, take a hand you trust, and start walking towards a future where you can look back on now and think “Thank God I didn’t manage to take my life”.

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You’re definitely a great noona. :+1:Thank you for sharing this personal story. I really appreciate it.

PS: I’ve gotten my Coldplay fix thanks to you. :smile_cat:

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Lol, you’re welcome! :smile:

Thanks for your kind words, but I hope I didn’t come off as some perfect sister or something, cause I’m really not :joy:. I’ve many times been mad at my brother, and after some talks I’ve wondered if talking made it better or worse.

But looking back at the ups and downs I still land in this conclusion, that this is the key - to talk at all.
Nothing is worse than having everything bottled up inside. It wasn’t until my brother started talking that something really started to change.

Jina (who I think is very brave btw) says in her video that for her the change came when she realized that her deathwish really was a wish for love, company and confidence. It was something similar for my brother. During our talks he realized things about himself and started to understand himself better and better, which made him think differently and helped get him out of the negative thought loop.

In the TED talk video I think he says so many important things too, but the one that stuck with me is what he said about finding that reason to live on another day. Hanging on to such reasons is key I think. And it doesn’t even have to be something positive, it is just as effective if it’s something you’re mad about, something you want to change for the better. Like “I’d like to die right now, but I can’t because this thing needs to change and so I need to help change it” or “I’m not gonna off myself and let them win”. Just beware of bitterness, cause that’s not helpful. But righteous anger, a bit of stubborness, and of course that spark of hope that’s somewhere inside, is very helpful.

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In hard times peoples around you become more important. The peoples close to you, or even a stranger can become your “lifeline”. It’s just that there needs to be someone at the right time. Not to miss the opportunity is crucial.
Music is a big help too. I’ll always remember this song of my childhood.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2DjiDuLhHpA

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I don’t know if it’s okay or correct to say that there could be the suicide due to depression (attempt to cut oneself many times, having recurrent thoughts of suicide, etc. => the negative state of mind you’re talking about) and the other suicide (could be war victims or another reason). I don’t want to categorize, but to distinguish that there’s a difference in general causes and so the way that we can soothe or help these humans might differ in some aspects.

YouTube recommendations yesterday: “Sad forever” by Lauv

https://youtu.be/Klsi8CbSm8Y

He talks about his suicide attempt in this song. His negative state of mind.
It’s just really sad when you see people like that, you just want to hug them and tell them “Love yourself. Take care of yourself and cherish your life.”
Like the “Everything is going to be all right.” Like you want to believe in it for them.

The subtitles you can see while listening to the song:

“I wrote sad forever at a time when I was extremely low. I was dealing with depression and OCD but hadn’t really recognized or gotten the help I needed. While I was hesitant at first, asking for help was an important first step. Mental illness is something that is often times not apparent to the outside world. It’s an ongoing journey with ups and downs and finding stability is a process that I’m still heavily working on. This song was written in a dark place but by donating all proceeds to mental health organizations I can only hope it helps others take their first step to ask for help too.”


I think the first step is realizing it, then once you realize it, either to talk about it or the attitude would be to hide it or to reject it. Is wanting to talk about it a way to ask for help? Or already sharing it to someone and be listened to already a kind of help? Releasing what is heavy inside. Talking or creating art (painting, writing, dancing,...). Looking for help
[quote="nela_114, post:6, topic:23576"] Goooooooooood, the hours we've spent talking, me kind of forcing him to try to talk out of fear that he would just get worse otherwise and finally manage it (he's ok with me talking about his by the way). He couldn't even voice why he felt bad in the beginning, he had no words to describe how he felt. So I just kept bombarding him with questions until he got fed up with my wrong guesses and tried to explain. Slowly, slowly, slowly he started finding the words, opening up, and guess what - He had millions of misunderstandings about things, and had created a mental prison for himself that he couldn't get out of. [/quote]

Wow!
Reading your own experience and the experience of your brother through your words, we can see that you really care about your brother. If something like this happens, I hope people would be understanding and caring.

It may also show that he was finally ready to talk about it to you?
And your attitude might be the key point too to make them talk about it, reassuring them and be a real support by just listening to him?
I think it’s also the attitude of the listener that can help a lot.
To make us talk because if we don’t talk about it, it could be because of fear for example (fear of what would others think about it, what they think about me, job prospects, being rejected by some people we care for or just hurt people around you).

I always find it more difficult to talk about some serious things to family or close friends than strangers. Not because of shame, but because I don’t want to make them worry or make things harder or make them hurt. So that’s why some people keep it for themselves.
So I find it really great that he could open up with you, his sister.

Thanks for these posts and these songs! Coldplay :smiley:

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Ah, classic! Thank you for sharing!

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You’re absolutely right. Everyone is different. Returning servicemembers, for instance, usually suffer from PTSD leading to suicidal thoughts, so they absolutely need specialised help. A teenager bullied at school or online, on the other hand, might just need someone to be there for him or her. Everyone goes through different experiences, so the treatment must be different too.
What’s important, however, is to recognise the problem, not simply dismiss it, as it happened with poor Jonghyun. His ignorant doctor couldn’t believe that one of the most popular people in the Kpop industry could be so unhappy. That’s really stupid, of course. Fame and money don’t make you happy, clearly.
I think the first step is to talk about it, always talk about it just like @nela_114 did, not treat it like some taboo subject.

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@piranna, @adrianmorales

Wow, what a great song, haven’t heard it before, thanks for that one! :sparkling_heart:

Yeah, I agree. Adrianmorales, you wrote my exact thoughts about this actually.

I’d say yes to both of those. Wanting to talk about it is definitely a way of asking for help, so personally I never reject when people want to open up. If you haven’t talked about it with anyone, I think just sharing unburdens a great deal of the load as well, as long as you don’t feel judged by the person you decide to trust and share with. But that person might not always be the one you’re going to continue to talk to, at least not the only one. Sometimes professional counseling is really needed, and I also think it’s good to find more than one confidant, if possible. But the first, and most important step, is to start talking at all. There’s a saying in my country, maybe it exists in other countries as well: Shared sorrow is halved sorrow, shared joy is doubled joy.

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Great insights you’re sharing!

Can only common people have depression, anxiety or suicidal thoughts?
A doctor is not supposed to judge someone, he diagnoses the healthy state of someone, not his wealth.

Is it a common thing in Korean or any showbiz to hide that their celebrity doesn’t go well?
Do they fear a drop in popularity?

I love this song, too! “I don’t want to be sad anymore!”
I almost forgot, hope your brother is doing well.

Totally agree that the one you should talk about some things should be someone that you know you can trust for this particular thing. As for Jina, she thought her friend would be trustworthy and her friend rejected her. It’s hard to know who you can trust for some people.
Is it necessary that you won’t feel judged? For example, if you know the opinion of this person (no matter what his opinion is), but this opinion has no impact in this relationship of confidence, the opinion is said in a way that it’s not rejection, nor adhesion. I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking. What do you think?

Great expression, this expression has been translated in my country and it conveys the same feelings :slight_smile:

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Of course, they do. There’s a reason they’re called idols. An idol, after all, was a statue or an object representing a pagan god that ancient people would worship. Frankly, I don’t like this term. Religious terms, in general, scare me because they’re the source of many horrible things. Sadly, this practice has carried over to the cult of celebrity. It’s bad for everyone. An idol can’t date or do normal things because he or she needs to appear god-like. The fans, too, encourage this behaviour by having a fit whenever their favourite celebrity dates or admits to having a problem that lessens their god-like status. It’s stupid. We’re all people with both good and bad in us. Good luck telling this to those rabid netizens…

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@adrianmorales
Sorry for asking something off topic, since you seem to be online, is Viki and the discussion here unstable at the moment?

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Yes, I believe so. soompi.com is definitely down, for instance.

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Thanks for the reply, I thought something was off. But in the past weeks/months Viki changed back to the old habit of leaving peoples without information. No twitter news …
Well hopefully it will be back tomorrow.

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Quite sad actually.
People can’t expect someone to always be happy or be joyful at every moment of his/her life.
Hardship, love breaks, death, sickness, stress… I mean, it happens to all humans’ lives as for the happiest moments.
It’s that being human.

“Idol” or “god”, I haven’t thought of that etymology rapprochement.
If they’re not considered “humans” anymore that can feel sad emotions and only give happy emotions to fans, it’s quite dehumanizing.

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Yeah, you’re right. I could sort of see in his eyes that he actually wanted to talk, but something was stopping him. It was exactly the problem you mentioned, about how it can be more difficult to talk to someone in you family than with a stranger. He was afraid that I would judge him or think he was stupid. I tried to reassure him about a million times that nothing he said would ever change my love or care for him, that he would always be my brother no matter what, but in vain. That’s when I started the bombardment of questions, which finally got me through. When he then realized that telling me didn’t change my view of him, he began to tell many more things, but it was still a struggle for him to tell sometimes. So I think you’re very right about the attitude of the listener. It’s important. You need to build trust.

In my brothers case I know that If I would have judged him or looked down on him even the slightest he never would have opened up again. He’s sensible that way. Others might not be as sensible since our personalities are different. But I still think many people might be sensitive to this, so it’s good to keep in mind. Not judging doesn’t mean that you agree with what the person is saying though, that’s an important distinction as well. It just means that you don’t repell or look down on the person. I disagreed constantly with my brother, if I hadn’t I think he still would have been stuck in his mental prison. But I did it in a caring way, acknowledging the way he felt, not in an arrogant or dismissive way. Most of the times it’s not even necessary to say much back. Just listening, and acknowledging the other ones feelings can be enough many times.

I’m so happy that Jina didn’t stop looking for help after her friend repelled her, cause sometimes that happens. But she tried again and found the help she needed, that’s the way to go.

Thankyou som much for your concern. :relaxed: :two_hearts: My brother is much better now. As I said he now ENJOYS life, something that was impossible before. I once thought that once he gets well, that’s the end of it, but over time I’ve realized that mental health is no different from bodily health. It needs to be MAINTAINED, and just like we take care of our physical bodys health, we also need to take care of our mental health. Because wether we want to realize it or not, depression doesn’t discriminate, and we can all fall prey to it if we don’t see the warning signs and take action in time. Like someone said (don’t remember who): If you hurt your leg, people tell you to go see a doctor. It should be the same for mental issues.
I also really like Mark Henicks advice: When you go in for your annual physical, make a point to do your annual psychological too.

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