I know how you feel bc I was went through a similar thing. I was raped at 15 and suffered with PTSD , depression and suicidal thoughts and my SISTER told me ''GET OVER IT ALREADY! you are 36 already!
That same day I went to her basement and downed over 70 pills. I heard a voice telling me that my kids needed me and I couldn't leave them behind. I felt like I was floating and end up being rushed to the hospital. It was horrible for many reasons, we must never give up on ourselves and those who love us will suffer too for our wrong decision made.
There's nothing to be embarrassed about in expressing your fears.To let the world know that you need and want help. I can assure you, things will get better and you will be ok. I can promise you that with each day you'll feel better. What you're having are panic attacks and like you, I called people and some listened and comfort and others didn't. mainly the understanding one's where the christian one's who had lots of love in their hearts to give.
I don't know if you have a church around but if you do, go there. Make sure you feel alright when you visit and keep looking until you feel alright and in the right place. DON'T think there's no help bc there is and I myself want to keep in touch with you so please send me a PM (private message) that I want to be able to talk to you more privately.
Yes, in life we may find rejections and criticism and we may feel we have no one and no one loves us but that's the lie the enemy of this world wants you to believe to destroy you. BUT the father in heaven have big plans for you that no evil will destroy it.
May the Angels in heaven walk with you embrace you in their wings and protect you from all evil attack whether is panic attack and suicide thoughts I rebuke them in the name of Jesus our Lord and savior. I am here to listen to you when you ever need me.
Suicide is not the answer and has never been the right answer. I am a survivor and I am glad I survived to let other people know that suicide is the worst mistake we can ever make. There is hope and we must keep knocking on doors. We must seek help in counseling but in a medical office not through a phone. Those in the phones are only there to provide information and some are not even properly trained Once I accepted I needed help I was in road to recovery of my panic attacks and suicidal thoughts. When I found a church (the right one for I went to a few) I found people that gave so much love that my poor broken heart needed and my selfish family didn't give me. The medical Mental Health Clinic provided counseling and pills I needed for a while, but no longer use bc the panic attacks and suicidal thought are long gone (I'm 56 years old). I tried to commit suicide over 20 years ago and it was a very painful experience as they tried to save me they put tubes down your throat and make all effort to save you and that is why I'm here today. Some nurses had tears in their eyes as they asked me why?
Sadly, Jonghyun didn't look enough for help bc there are doors that never stays close and are always opened to help us. There is one door that never fails me now.
This is one verse that helps me in all my struggles and never let's me fall again in despair and wrong thoughts.
''I hear my children knock and I open the door.''
13 For I am the Lord your God
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you.
Please PM me.