Your laugh for the day

Social
224

image

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, “Fried chicken.”

She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right, because everyone else laughed.

My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.

I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals …very much.

I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal’s office.

I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.

I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.

She sent me back to the principal’s office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

I don’t understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn’t like it when I am.

Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most.

I told her, “Colonel Sanders.” Guess where I am now…

4 Likes
225

So we’re into our 6th month of this pandemic. These various quotes made me laugh, which I needed! 😁

  1. So let me get this straight, there’s no cure for a virus that can be killed by sanitizer and hand soap?

  2. Is it too early to put up the Christmas tree yet? I have run out of things to do.

  3. When this virus thing is over with, I still want some of you to stay away from me.

  4. If these last months have taught us anything, it’s that stupidity travels faster than any virus on the planet, particularly among politicians and bureaucrats.

  5. Just wait a second – so what you’re telling me is that my chance of surviving all this is directly linked to the common sense of others? You’re kidding, right?

  6. People are scared of getting fined or arrested for congregating in crowds, as if catching a deadly disease and dying a horrible death wasn’t enough of a deterrent.

  7. If you believe all this will end and we will get back to normal just because we reopen everything, raise your hand. Now slap yourself with it.

  8. Another Saturday night in the house and I just realized the trash goes out more than me.

  9. Whoever decided a liquor store is more essential than a hair salon is obviously a bald-headed alcoholic.

  10. Remember when you were little and all your underwear had the days of the week on them. Those would be helpful right now.

  11. The spread of Covid-19 is based on two factors: 1. How dense the population is and 2. How dense the population is.

  12. Remember all those times when you wished the weekend would last forever? Well, wish granted. Happy now?

  13. It may take a village to raise a child, but I swear it’s going to take a whole vineyard to home school one.

  14. Did a big load of pajamas so I would have enough clean work clothes for this week.

5 Likes
226

haha this got me rolling on the floor! :joy:
here’s my two cents:

  1. Keep in mind, during the pandemic, no matter how many chocolates you eat, your earrings will still fit

  2. So you’re staying inside, practicing social distancing and cleaning yourself? Congratulations, you’ve become a house cat!

  3. When this quarantine is over, let’s not tell some people.

  4. First time in history: We can save the human race by lying in front of the TV and doing nothing. LET’S NOT SCREW THIS UP.

  5. when all this started I was like “today I will make myself a honey dijon pork chop over risotto” and now I just wake up like “egg”

3 Likes
227

here is something scary but funny

image

3 Likes
228

I hope it wasn’t worth 16 million dollar! :rofl::violin:

1 Like
229

i noticed that not ONE of them is “the one who TURNS ON THE LIGHT instead of madly dashing around in darkness”…ahhh i guess they’re all kdrama characters :joy::joy:

1 Like
230

Today I was in a shoe store that sells only shoes, nothing else. A young girl with green hair walked over to me and asked, "What brings you in today? I looked at her and said, “I’m interested in buying a refrigerator.” She didn’t quite know how to respond, had that deer in the headlights look.

I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.

When people see a cat’s litter box they always say, “Oh, have you got a cat?” I just say, “No, it’s for company!”

Employment application blanks always ask who is to be called in case of an emergency. I think you should write, “An ambulance.”

The older you get the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Have you ever noticed: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.

The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is so he knows when he’s really in trouble.

Did you ever notice that when you put the 2 words “The” and “IRS” together it spells “Theirs?”

Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Some people try to turn back their “odometers.” Not me.

I want people to know why I look this way.

I’ve traveled a long way and a lot of the roads were not paved.

Ah! Being young is exciting but being old is comfortable.

Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.

May you always have:

Love to share,

Cash to spare,

Tires with air,

And friends who care. 💥To share, copy and paste, like I did ![:wink:

another thing to combat boredom, find a puzzle!!!

2 Likes
231

I meant I lost my musical skill :laughing:
No, I would never spend 16 million on an instrument :rofl:

2 Likes
232

It might have been a gift. Or an heirloom … :wink:

1 Like
233

image

234

image

heheheheheheheh, rather have this than the corona virus thats going around!

3 Likes
235

image the caption and the news…

3 Likes
236

Screenshot_2020-09-11-18-54-04-889~2
I came across this today. Guess who is going to apply for the job?

4 Likes
237

Screenshot_20200911_213928

:grin:

3 Likes
238

I love crazy things like this;

image

1 Like
239

Either my “foot’s brain” is stronger or I am a “hidden” lefty my 6 looks like this
sechs

LOL

2 Likes
240

hehehehehehehehe, ok I couldn’t even do a six!

241

image oh come on laugh!!

image theres a little witch in all of us

image aahhhhhhh so good so good
hey y’all thanks for being a friend even if it is on here at Viki. I really appreciate you guys & gals, nuff mushy stuff! have a great & blessed day!

4 Likes
242

I love those cats.

243

Thank You so very much, You Brighten my Day. ~kd
And started a Family discussion.

2 Likes