A timid little man ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and, clearing his throat, asked, “Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?”
A giant of a man wearing biker leathers with his body hair growing out of the seams turned slowly on his stool. He looked down at the quivering little man and said, “It’s my dog. Why?”
“Well,” squeaked the little man, very nervous, “I believe my dog just killed it, sir.”
“What?” roared the big man in disbelief. “What in the world kind of dog do you have?”
“Sir,” answered the little man, “It’s a four-week-old puppy.”
“Bull!” roared the biker, “How could your puppy kill my Doberman?”
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office.
After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don’t follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die.
“Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.
“Don’t burden him with chores. Don’t discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Do not nag him. Most importantly, make love to him regularly.
“If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.”
On the way home, the husband asked his wife, “What did the doctor say?”
“He said you’re going to die,” she replied.
There were three engineers in a car: an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer.
Suddenly, the car stops running and they pull off to the side if the road, wondering what could be wrong.
The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred.
The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars, suggests maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.
The Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, came up with a suggestion. “Why don’t we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open all the windows and see if it works?”
