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Getting To Know Each Other


#42

Interesting.


#43

nice to meet you, @wither_kitty2020!
yeah, I guess you could say I’m an extrovert… i never thought about it though :sweat_smile:
an EXO-L is a fan of the kpop band EXO :grin: Do you listen to kpop?

i hope we can be online friends, then! :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:


#44

Well, how do you recharge your energy? Are you energized by groups of people or does that tire you out? Do you get energy from being alone?

I’m an introvert. Being around people tires me out and I definitely prefer to be alone or with family (in a quiet environment or else that would tire me out too). But I’m very sociable and because people confuse introversion with shyness, they tell me that I can’t be one :laughing:

I also have a very small group of friends, because I distinguish between what actual friends are to me and who fall more into the friendly acquaintances group or friends-like-family group (friendly acquaintances are people I see often and will have chats with and friends-like-family are people who I’m friendly with and consider to be like family, but don’t know me as well as my actual friends do - does this make sense? :laughing:). This might also be a result of Dutch culture :rofl: - you often keep your colleagues, acquaintances, friends and family separate.


#45

Some people give me energy, others wear me out. But in any case I also need my alone time.
I am shy, though not as much as in my younger years anymore.

Do all of your friends, friendly acquaintances and friends-like-family clearly know into which category they fit? It can be quite confusing when not everyone has the same idea about where the fine line is between those categories. Some self-proclaimed friends might be disappointed or even insulted if they’d find out you only consider them to be an “acquaintance”.

Lol, it’s quite true. But there can be overlaps sometimes.


#46

No, they don’t. well, the friends-like-family and friends probably do :wink:

The friendly acquaintances category is probably the most difficult to explain to people and I’ve heard a term for it before, but I can’t remember it :sweat_smile:. Friendly acquaintances are people who you meet regularly and who help expand the way you think and grow as a person. In short, you get exposure to different points-of-views and this makes you a better and/or more knowledgeable person.

In my experience relationship dynamics aren’t always equal. Someone can experience that they are a friend to someone, but that person isn’t a friend to them or the other way around.

I noticed this in high school. I still clearly remember this instance where someone called me their friend and I explained that they weren’t a friend to me. I can still remember the look of shock on their face and then they proceeded to protest. I asked them to listen to me and answer a couple of questions - something my friends could easily answer, but they just looked at me with wide eyes and stuttered: “I don’t know…”

This person started to realized that they didn’t know me, not really, because they were always too busy talking about themselves. And that was something I was okay with. They needed to accept that and eventually they were fine with the category they belonged to.

I do always try to mention it several times in a conversation though when I start to get to know people, that I don’t consider many people to be my actual friends, because those are the people who really know me and there are a lot of people who I’m friendly with.

I do make an exception for Korean and Chinese friends though, since the culture is different and they don’t understand, no matter how many times I try to explain :laughing:


#47

I am really energized by huge groups… but I guess mostly because I can blend into them, and I enjoy chaos.

In terms of REAL friends, I only have one or two. For me, it’s hard to trust people. I’m always afraid they won’t like me one they really get to know me, or they’ll leave in the end. So I’m more comfortable in laaarge groups where no one can get personal, and I won’t get hurt.

this is kinda what I try to do.

I think I just love people in general. I love watching people milling around in the city, interacting with one another. It takes a realllllly long time for me to make real friends.


#48

to some people, the word “friend” can mean just a casual aquaintance, and to others, it really means a whole lot more


#49

Very true.

In my case this person meant actual friend, so I had to correct them to prevent further misunderstandings. Our relationship didn’t suffer afterwards :blush:


#50

you made me think about relationships, though. this was a really nice conversation, and it was awesome getting to know different types of people who aren’t like me :sweat_smile::blush:


#51

I guess some people could also start out as an acquaintance and then gradually evolve to a friend? :thinking:

Personally I would say that a (real) friend is someone who doesn’t only like me in the good times, but is also there for me in the bad times. They don’t have to solve my problems (that may not even be in their power) but they do have to take them seriously and show me empathy when I need it. And I do the same vice versa.


#52

Yes of course :blush: and your definition is spot on. I guess the only thing I would add is that they’d feel comfortable enough to call me out when I’m doing something wrong :smile:


#53

I guess it’s like those awkward moments when you have something obviously stuck in your teeth but no one tells you. Only a real friend would tell you about it.


#54

O M G! The true test of one’s intro/extra vertedness! [1 2 | 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10]
That one hour chat over luchtime coffee with a work colleague spent thinking “should I tell him he needs to pick his nose?” because I’M embarrassed to say! :sweat: :zipper_mouth_face: :sweat::sweat::thinking::sweat::sweat::zipper_mouth_face: …I failed as a friend.


#55

https://www.16personalities.com/articles/mind-introverted-vs-extraverted


#56

Haha sometimes even I’m embarrassed to tell my friends about things like this. I don’t want to make them feel bad, but then I think they’ll feel even worse if they go home only to find there was a big green leaf stuck between their two front teeth. :open_mouth:


#57

It also makes a big difference HOW you tell it. And whether others might be able to hear it or not.


#58

Im at the other hand the honest type of person :joy: id straight say it into the face without to think… and afterwards you wish to slap your own mouth. People don’t like this I can testify it.


#59

In case the other person hasn’t already done that! :wink:


#60

LOL, no luckily it never happened.

ah, apropos someone posted Kpop I guess. Im not into that kind of music but thats one song I coincidentally found some years ago that I love so much because although I dont know what he sings, it has pawsitive vibes :3 but I think its jpop.


#61

Yes, it is. Even the subtitles are in Japanese. Or at least that’s how they appear here.
What kind of music do you usually like?