Viki

I need some advice


#1

(Update)
I tried to talk and try to understand her. But it felt like I was the only one who was making effort to keep this friendship…
She said she was bored so she wanted someone ‘innocent-naive enough to never leaves you’ to mess with. She said she was jealous of how I got compliments from others without even trying hard. I don’t know how this turned out like this but in the end, we decided to stop.
She said she was never happy with me these past 3 years. She said she felt like she was torturing herself being friends with me…
It hurts so much hearing these from someone whom you thought of as your BFF…
Although I have regrets I definitely won’t regret getting out of this so-called friendship. I kind of feel heavy in my chest for not saying anything. But Ig time will heal everything
Thank you everyone for your advice…:black_heart::blush:


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#2

There is no need to keep toxic people in your life.
I know this quote below might seem trite, but it’s what first came to mind.


#3

Ik but it hurts so much that I cannot let it go. She promised to change but I don’t see any character development…


#4

When you let her treat you badly, or easily forgive her, you are teaching her what behaviour you will take from her. In truth it could be better for both of you if you cut ties. You, because you don’t need a toxic person around, and her because she might realize that her behaviour actually is unacceptable. People don’t change easily, sometime there has to be something to kick start it.


#5

Ig…
Anyways thank you for your advice😊


#6


#7

I’m so sorry you are going through this, k_life. I really understand you are hurting, but sweetybirdtoo is right. This person is obviously not good for you. Cutting ties will hurt, but not cutting ties will make you keep hurting over and over again.


#8

Well, any type of relationship is always going to take work, friendship is no different, however; can you really call a person like that your friend if they were knowingly putting you in those situations and going behind your back to be mean like that. Especially knowing you don’t have many friends. I do agree with sweetybirdtoo. I always say you can’t condone bad behavior, most times it’s involving children but adults are no different. If you allow her to keep acting like this she’ll keep doing it because she knows you’ll continue to take it. I hope you figure out for yourself what you shouldn’t be allowing yourself to go through. Good luck!!


#9

Thank you! I sure will and try to be better person by cutting ties with her.


#10

Yeah Ik from others POV it might look dumb but for me i never had any female friend let alone for years. So i wanted to hold onto her and be stupid. Thank you, I will.


#11

It’s not that you’re being stupid, you’re trying to be a good friend by giving her the benefit of the doubt. There’s a saying; sometimes it hurts more to hold on than to let go. I’ve never really had female friends so right now I only have one but I’m older and learned over the years that if a person isn’t going to bring anything positive into my life they don’t need to be in it. It takes time and when the person means something to you it’s harder. Always be sure to ask for advice/help when you need it. :slight_smile:


#12

If you do not want to sever the un-friendship, you can keep her in your life as long as you don’t lie to yourself about her character and don’t let it affect you. From what you said here, she will always cut into your relationships with others. Keep your eyes open about that and see it for what it is. Don’t tell her your deepest feelings about others. She’ll use that for ammunition.

Remember - Friends do not deliberately hurt each other.


#13

It’s hard to see things when you are so close, so no, it doesn’t look dumb, it actually takes a lot of courage to step back and examine the friendship like you’re doing. And letting go can be hard, you’re doing well just to ask the question.


#14

Thank you!:blush:


#15

I will. Thank you!!:blush:


#16

Not at all. You look human. :rose:


#17

I don’t really have any words to add to the already good advice you have gotten, but I wanted to recognize you for having taken the first step and recognizing that there is a problem. It’s easier for us as outsiders to see the toxicity and advise that you cut ties because we are not the ones who have developed the connection with the person. Severing those connections will never be easy, but this is a person who has literally (according to your post) told you she wants you to feel lonely and who has knowingly and purposefully tried to alter or destroy your relationships with other people. I personally don’t know how that kind of person could be called a friend. In fact, at the risk of sounding like an alarmist, it sounds like the kind of manipulative behavior that can lead down a dangerous and scary path. All I can advise is that you consider whether any positive you are getting out of the relationship is worth all the negative that you have endured. I wish you comfort and peace of mind as you navigate this difficult situation.


#18

Lots of excellent advice here, and I second everything they said.
I’m just surprised that you still consider her a friend and don’t want to lose her “friendship”.
With this kind of “friend”, who needs enemies?
What more would an enemy do?
Think that if you cut her off your life, you won’t lose a friend. You’ll lose an enemy. This might make it less hard for you.


#19

If this is what she does to you, then you need to be aware of the fact that she was never your best friend. She might have approached you with being best friends as her initial motive but this is not what happened in the end.
You still have time and you should do what you need to do to protect yourself.
Remember, you should be your own priority, if you feel someone is behaving weirdly, then stop and think for a while, “does that person need the attention I am giving them?”, “were they ever meant to be in my life?”. If you will be much happier without them, then stay away from them, ignore them, don’t give them any attention at all.

You’ll not be at ease initially but eventually, you’ll be at peace. Remember, what you sow is what you reap. You’re not at fault and you shouldn’t think it is because of you. Let them know your value.

Of course, this might be irrelevant here, but I saw an Instagram post few days back, which said, “You need to outlive your enemies.”, and this was oddly motivating.

I hope you’ll find your peace and happiness.


#20

Careful, whenever you get to hear this sentence in your life.
You might know from yourself, that changing is not really that easy, if what you want to change is a habit.

I will change …

Probably the most used sentence alcoholics, abusers, drug addicts say to family and friends, and it is just not that easy to break with behavior patterns.
All everyone here is saying, is keep your eyes open, don’t let your sight be clouded by the time spend together. There are still people hanging out or even living together with a person they love, purely on the hope that one sentence gave them - I will change.

You do not need to wait for her to change, if you want a change in your life, surprise her be the one to make a change first.