At Joãozinho’s school, the Mathematics teacher took a sheet of paper and asked:
Boy aged 4:
Dad, I’ve decided to get married.
Dad:
Wonderful; do you have a girl in mind?!
Boy:
Yes… grandma! She said she loves me, I love her, too…and she’s the best cook & story teller in the whole world!!
Dad:
That’s nice, but we have a small problem there!!
Boy: What problem?!
Dad:
She happens to be my mother. How can you marry my mother!!
Boy:
Why not? You married mine!!!
On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to coach since she did not have a first class ticket. The blonde replied, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to New York, and I’m not moving.”
Not wanting to argue with a customer the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman asking her to please move out of the first class section.
Again, the blonde replied, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to New York, and I’m not moving.”
The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do.
The captain said, “I’m married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this.” He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde’s ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the coach section mumbling to herself, “Why didn’t anyone just say so.”
Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to her that finally convinced her to move from her seat.
The pilot replied, “I told her the first class section wasn’t going to New York.”
Scott took his blind date to the carnival. “What would you like to do first, Mary?” asked Scott.
“I want to get weighed,” she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale, it read 117 and she won a prize. Next the couple went on the Ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Scott again asked Mary what she would like to do.
“I want to get weighed,” she said. Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Scott lost his dollar.
The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to go next. “I want to get weighed,” she responded. By this time, Scott figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.
Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, “How’d it go?”
Mary responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy, he just wouldn’t way me.
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The Story of the Donkey and Tiger
The donkey told the tiger:
′′The grass is blue".
The tiger replied:
′′No, the grass is green".
The discussion became heated up, and the two decided to submit the issue to arbitration, and to do so they approached the lion, King of the Jungle.
Before reaching the clearing in the forest where the lion was sitting on his throne, the donkey started screaming:
′′Your Highness, is it true that grass is blue?".
The lion replied:
“True, the grass is blue”.
The donkey rushed forward and continued:
′′The tiger disagrees with me and contradicts me and annoys me please punish him".
The king then declared:
′′The tiger will be punished with 5 years of silence".
The donkey jumped for joy and went on his way, content and repeating:
′′The grass is blue"…
The tiger accepted his punishment, but he asked the lion:
′′Your Majesty, why have you punished me, after all, the grass is green?"
The lion replied:
′′In fact, the grass is green".
The tiger asked:
′′So why do you punish me?"
The lion replied:
′′That has nothing to do with the question of whether the grass is blue or green. The punishment is because it is not possible for a brave, intelligent creature like you to waste time arguing with a donkey, and on top of that to come and bother me with that question".
The worst waste of time is arguing with the fool and fanatic who doesn’t care about truth or reality, but only the victory of their beliefs and illusions. Never waste time on discussions that make no sense… There are people who for all the evidence presented to them, do not have the ability to understand, and others who are blinded by ego, hatred and resentment, and the only thing that they want is to be right even if they aren’t. When ignorance screams, intelligence shuts up. Your peace and tranquility are worth more.
Follow Us 𝗢𝗹𝗶𝗩𝗶𝗿𝗮𝗹
Author unknown
[
Little Johnny rushes into the kitchen and says:
@frustratedwriter
The worst waste of time is arguing with the fool and fanatic who doesn’t care about truth or reality, but only the victory of their beliefs and illusions. Never waste time on discussions that make no sense… There are people who for all the evidence presented to them, do not have the ability to understand, and others who are blinded by ego, hatred and resentment, and the only thing that they want is to be right even if they aren’t. When ignorance screams, intelligence shuts up. Your peace and tranquility are worth more.
This really gave me a good laugh today. Thank you so much @frustratedwriter.
A timid little man ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and, clearing his throat, asked, “Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?”
A giant of a man wearing biker leathers with his body hair growing out of the seams turned slowly on his stool. He looked down at the quivering little man and said, “It’s my dog. Why?”
“Well,” squeaked the little man, very nervous, “I believe my dog just killed it, sir.”
“What?” roared the big man in disbelief. “What in the world kind of dog do you have?”
“Sir,” answered the little man, “It’s a four-week-old puppy.”
“Bull!” roared the biker, “How could your puppy kill my Doberman?”
“It appears that he choked on it, sir.”
my question is this, did the doberman choke, or did the chiwawa choke on the doberman (well I am thinking chiawawa)
I’m guessing the doberman choked on the chiwawa
oh I know it. b ut thought it was a funny thought seeing that little dog hjaving a problem eating the doberman.
When do ghosts play tricks on each other? On April Ghouls Day!
Johnny called the taxi and asked:
Where do snowmen go to dance? Snowballs!
ok, y’all time for a “round up” I havent seen this one in a very long time. I really you get a laugh out of it!!
Cowboys Herding Cats. Funny commercial of Cat Herders. This is a comical fun western commercial done for the Super Bowl years ago.
Brought To You By The Westerns Channel WesternsChannel.com They Offer Thousands of Westerns.
#horses #westernmovies #funnyvideo
there are more neat stuff on thAt channel. But I just wanted to share the cat herders…
She pokes fun at herself, and it’s funny.
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office.
After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don’t follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die.
“Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.
“Don’t burden him with chores. Don’t discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Do not nag him. Most importantly, make love to him regularly.
“If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.”
On the way home, the husband asked his wife, “What did the doctor say?”
“He said you’re going to die,” she replied.
There were three engineers in a car: an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer.
Suddenly, the car stops running and they pull off to the side if the road, wondering what could be wrong.
The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred.
The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars, suggests maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.
The Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, came up with a suggestion. “Why don’t we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open all the windows and see if it works?”
