Cutting the matter lol🤭
@angelight313_941, you’re so into discussing today, lol😂
When I opened the Discussion… there she is, in each topic🤣
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There was a loney guy who decided that life would be more fun if he had a pet.
He went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede. It came in a little white box to use for his house. He took the box back home, found a good location and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the park.
So he asked the centipede in the box, “Would you like to go to the park with me?”
But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, “How about going to the park with me?”
But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against the centipede’s house and shouting, “Hey, in there! Would you like to go to the park with me?”
A little voice came out of the box: “I heard you the first time! I’m putting on my shoes.”
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That’ll take a centipede’s minute.
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yeah 
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Às vezes você tem que ser seu próprio herói.
@martinslu…Cutting the matter part 2 
I admire your effort to be looking around for all my post in discussion. You are so gifted in RESEARCH work. I see a little 
at work in here Bless your heart for giving me such honor! :
:
BUT in reality that’s What DISCUSSION is all about, and I know you are not new around here; just playing you are one… I’m glad you enjoy the things I post here, and I hope you enjoy the rest of them as much as I do too because there are so much more to see; Keep looking you’ll be amazed…
We have many amusing and funny people around here in DISCUSSION, but I’m glad I became your FAVORITE one. I DESERVE A BADGE!
:
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Lol:joy:
For sure, I read all your posts, I like to look at what you and the other volunteers talk about too😂
I think we all deserve a BADGE lol:rofl:
You are too much 🫶🫶 @angelight313_941
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Me every time I say I went on a diet😅
A: I’m on a seafood diet.
B: What’s a seafood diet?
A: Every time I “see food,” I eat.
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One bad chapter doesn’t mean your story is over.
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A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying,
“Jesus is watching you.”
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear a bell he heard, “Jesus is watching you.”
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flash light beam came to rest on a parrot.
“Did you say that?” he hissed at the parrot.
“Yep,” the parrot said, then squawked, “I’m just trying to warn you.”
The burglar relaxed. “Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?”
“Moses,” replied the bird.
“Moses?” he laughed. “What kind of people would name a bird Moses?”
“The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.”
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I hope people on the other side of the world relates to this.
this is mainly for the '60’s group ,just read ,huh?
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
y’all have a great day!!
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At the zoo, a kangaroo was always running away from the enclosure. Keepers knew he jumped high and built a 10-foot fence. It didn’t help, because the kangaroo always ran away. So they erected a 20-foot fence. And he left again.
When the fence was already 12 meters high, the camel from the neighboring enclosure asked the kangaroo:
- How high do you think they go?
The kangaroo replied:
- Over 300 unless someone locks the gate at night.
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A kindergarten teacher was walking around observing her classroom of children while they were drawing pictures. As she got to one girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.” The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.” Without looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, “They will in a minute.”
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LIGHTEN UP…… IT AIN’T ALL THAT BAD!!!
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I used to be able to do cartwheels. Now I tip over putting on my underwear.
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Hate it when I see an old person and then realize we went to high school together.
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I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes… so she hugged me.
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My wife says I only have 2 faults. I don’t listen and something else…
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At my funeral, take the bouquet off my coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who is next.
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I thought growing old would take longer.
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I came, I saw, I forgot what I was doing. Retraced my steps, got lost on the way back, now I have no idea what’s going on.
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The officer said, “You drinking?” I said, “You buying?” We just laughed and laughed… I need bail money.
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Day 12 without chocolate. Lost hearing in my left eye.
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Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons.
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The adult version of “head, shoulders, knees and toes” is “wallet, glasses, keys and phone.”
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A dog accepts you as the boss… a cat wants to see your resume.
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Oops… did I roll my eyes out loud?
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Life is too short to waste time matching socks.
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Wi-fi went down for five minutes, so I had to talk to my family. They seem like nice people.
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If you see me talking to myself, just move along. I’m self-employed; we’re having a staff meeting.
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I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.
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Some people call me crazy. I prefer ‘happy with a twist’.
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My doctor asked if anyone in my family suffers from mental illness. I said, “No, we all seem to enjoy it.”
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I really don’t mind getting old, but my body is having a major fit.
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Camping: where you spend a small fortune to live like a homeless person.
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Project Manager. Because Miracle Worker isn’t an official job title.
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I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for Tuesday.
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The world’s best antidepressant has 4 legs, a wagging tail and comes with unconditional love.
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Love is how excited your dog gets when you come home.
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I’ve reached the age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me.
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If you’re happy and you still know it, it’s your meds.
I Hope this finds you in Good Health and Good Spirits.
Laughter is still the best Medicine!
At least Share a Smile!..
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A boy goes to the bakery and asks if the pastry was from today.
- No, it’s from yesterday.
- And how do I eat today?
- Come back tomorrow!
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If you are given a gun with two bullets and are sent to a room with Saddam Hussein, Usama Bin Laden, and a lawyer, what should you do?
You shoot the lawyer…twice.
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Two friends are talking and one of them says:
- My girlfriend treats me like God.
- What does she do?
- She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.
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